Comedian Suzi Ruffell has shared intimate details of her life, from a childhood marked by anxiety and a longing to be liked, to the moment she met her idol Mel C and was so starstruck that Alan Carr had to intervene. The 38-year-old, known for her stand-up specials and podcast 'Out With Suzi Ruffell', reflected on her journey in a recent interview.
Early Years in Portsmouth
Born in 1986 in Portsmouth, Ruffell grew up in a lively home filled with family. Her mother would listen to the Supremes or Diana Ross while polishing the red leather sofa, and her father's mates often popped by. At age 10, she was deep in her Spice Girls phase, with Mel C among her early crushes alongside Kate Winslet and Jennifer Aniston. 'I had a desperation to be liked,' she recalled. 'I would spend weekends on my bike looking for adventure, always seeking new friends.'
Her father's character taught her the value of humor. 'Telling jokes seemed like an easy way to navigate problems,' she said. 'I had bad anxiety and low self-esteem. I realized the currency of humor and thought, "If I can be funny, maybe I’ll be OK."'
Struggles with Sexuality and OCD
Ruffell did not come out until age 20, spending her teenage years terrified of being discovered. A mean girl at school seemed to sense her secret. 'I was always showing off,' she admitted. As a dyslexic, queer child with attention issues, school felt claustrophobic. She developed obsessive behaviors, like checking light switches or doors. 'I’d think, "As long as I run up and down these stairs five times, people won’t find out I fancy Kate Winslet." I was terrified my family would die. I needed rules to cope.'
Finding Her Voice in Drama
Joining a youth amateur dramatic society changed her life. Every Thursday, she could be herself among other 'outrageous' kids. 'It was the one place my brain would calm down,' she said. 'We were preparing for a sell-out show at the Palladium in our minds, but actually performed at a boys' school.' It was there she discovered her comedic talent. 'I played a posh lady with a silly voice, and people laughed. I knew I wasn’t the romantic lead, so I threw myself into comic relief.'
First Stand-Up Gig
At 24, encouraged by her then-girlfriend Faye, she tried stand-up after struggling to get acting auditions. 'I don’t remember the jokes, but I was in a basement with a gaffer-taped mic and a bright light. About 12 people were there, and none laughed, but I felt electric.' She began performing at a weekly comedy night in Balham, where she met Nish Kumar, Lou Sanders, Brett Goldstein, and Joel Dommett. 'We were oddballs together, doing something unhinged to everyone else.'
Embracing Her Identity
As her career progressed, her aesthetic became important. She cut her hair short at university during a Pink phase, then wanted everyone to know she was gay. 'I wore patterned leggings and Dr Martens, but longed for a suit and tie. When I did, it made me feel powerful.' A turning point came when she started discussing anxiety and sexuality on stage. 'It was like ripping off a plaster. Suddenly I was unashamed. People responded because deep down, we all feel like outsiders.'
Meeting Mel C
Ruffell finally met her childhood idol Mel C when opening for Alan Carr. 'I was starstruck. I couldn’t speak. All I said was, "You mean a lot to me – you always will." Then Alan said, "She’s gone weird. I’m going to take her away."'
Parenthood and Reflection
During the pandemic, Ruffell became a parent and got married. The reality sank in when the family moved to Brighton. 'I remember sitting on the beach with them, eating ice cream. I thought, "I’ve got a wife, a kid, we live in Brighton. I don’t feel weird. Life has worked out good." It was so special I got a tattoo on my arm.' Now, she embraces being keen. 'As I’ve gotten older, I’ve tried to be less embarrassed about who I am and less concerned about being cool. Anyone who is cool is probably a wanker.'
