As the festive season descends with its mandatory cheer, one writer is calling for the abolition of a particularly dispiriting holiday ritual: the White Elephant gift exchange. Dave Schilling, a Los Angeles-based humourist, has declared war on the party game where guests steal each other's presents, labelling it a 'cruel joke' designed to frustrate and alienate.
The Agony of the Gift Grab
Schilling describes the unique misery of the White Elephant format. Guests bring a wrapped gift, usually within a set price limit of $50 to $100, placing it in a communal pile. Selection is based on guesswork, and the true torment begins when a later participant decides to 'steal' a prize you've already unwrapped. The author paints a vivid picture of the despair: "I can’t think of a more dispiriting feeling than unwrapping a hardcover edition of a book you’ve been meaning to read... and having it ripped from your hands like you’re an infant about to put a nine-volt battery in your mouth."
He argues the inventor of this 'cursed activity' takes more pleasure in pain than a dominatrix at a political convention. The practice, dating to the early 20th century and also known as 'Dirty Santa' or 'Yankee Swap', even bears an ironically apt name. A 'white elephant' is traditionally a valuable but burdensome and useless possession.
A Trail of Disappointing Loot
The gifts themselves are rarely worth the emotional turmoil, Schilling contends. He recalls receiving a 'miniature zen garden', which turned out to be a bag of sand in a flimsy balsa wood box that he soon knocked over, creating a mess. He posits that countless shoppers are currently swarming the oddities sections of stores like Barnes & Noble, desperately buying fidget spinners, tiny unreadable books, and scented candles—a 'zombie horde of obligation'.
While he acknowledges the true point of any holiday gathering is to be with loved ones, with gifts being secondary, he questions why we must 'sully it all with a musical chairs sideshow of garbage'. The sentiments of togetherness and hope are more crucial than ever, making the forced, frustrating game feel particularly incongruous.
A Final Plea for a New Tradition
Schilling's conclusion is emphatic: "It’s time, at last, to make the white elephant extinct!" He quickly clarifies he means the parties, not the animal. His rallying cry is for an end to this specific brand of holiday misery, allowing the season's genuine warmth to shine through without the accompanying ritual of disappointment and petty theft.
As we navigate a world that often feels chaotic, the argument is clear: perhaps the best gift we can give each other this Christmas is a permanent break from this dispiriting game.
