In what might be one of British television's most peculiar commissioning decisions, Channel 4's E4 has launched No Strings Attached, a show that combines celebrity culture, erotic fan fiction, and explicit puppet performances in a format that should be completely unwatchable.
The Bizarre Format Explained
The show's premise appears to be the result of what the original review describes as 'severe staff cuts, complex blackmail, or a rogue shipment of hallucinogenic cocaine'. Each episode features a celebrity sitting opposite host Mel Giedroyc, both holding scripts containing erotic stories written by amateur fan fiction authors where the celebrity is the main character.
As the famous participant reads aloud about their imaginary sexual adventures, the show cuts away to puppets - designed as fuzzy lookalikes - graphically acting out every described encounter in explicit detail. The puppets' nipples and genitals are notably replaced with tufts of feathers, adding to the surreal nature of the production.
Sam Thompson's Awkward Debut
The first episode features reality television regular Sam Thompson, known for numerous appearances including Made in Chelsea, Celebrity Big Brother, and I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!
Thompson's story explores a fictional romantic relationship with fellow reality star Pete Wicks from The Only Way Is Essex. The narrative begins with a shirtless charity fencing match that evolves into what the script calls 'a different kind of swordsmanship', creating a Romeo and Juliet-style controversy between the Chelsea and Essex celebrity factions.
The story reaches its peak with increasingly absurd metaphors, including one scene where 'Sam feasted on Pete's manhood like a hungry dog at a barbecue' and another describing him 'suckling the water from his nipples like a thirsty piglet' in a locker-room shower setting.
Mel Giedroyc's Saving Grace
According to the review, the show would be 'unbearable' with any other presenter, but Giedroyc's impeccable comic timing and warm personality salvage the awkward material. She adopts the persona of a 'permissive, mischievous auntie', guiding Thompson through the more outrageous moments and even suggesting gin and tonics when he begins to struggle with the content.
Her professional touch shines through in perfectly timed moments, such as reaching for a bowl of peanuts just as Thompson reads the line 'Their slick members brushed against each other'. She also engages in cheeky banter, asking Thompson 'Have you got a very big tongue, Sam? You'd need quite a big tongue for that' during particularly suggestive passages.
Each episode runs for approximately 40 minutes including advertisements, though the review suggests the novelty wears thin much sooner. The production appears to rely on alcohol to ease participants through the experience, with Giedroyc herself wielding a litre bottle of Schweppes during filming.
Another reviewed episode features former Atomic Kitten singer Kerry Katona, with Giedroyc effortlessly bonding with her over a story set backstage at a TV talent contest involving romantic encounters with both Peter Andre and Mel B.
While none of the celebrity guests are likely to highlight their participation in No Strings Attached on their CVs anytime soon, the review concludes that Giedroyc's presence ensures that 'nothing she's in can be all bad'. The show is available for viewing on Channel 4, though viewers might find themselves relying entirely on Giedroyc's charm to make it through a full episode.
