Zoya Patel, a writer and editor based in Canberra, offers a poignant reflection on the liberation that can come with age from the relentless pursuit of unattainable beauty standards. In her essay, she delves into personal memories and societal pressures, arguing that as we grow older, we may find a newfound freedom to embrace our authentic selves.
A Memory of Youthful Judgment
Patel recalls a vivid memory from her high school days at a local swimming pool. In the changing room, she observed older women, likely aged between 40 and 60, moving about naked with apparent ease. At the time, she felt a mix of horror and disgust, believing these women should have been ashamed of their bodies and made themselves less visible. This reaction, she now realises, was shaped by the patriarchal norms that equate women's value with youth and conventional attractiveness.
The Shift in Perspective
Now at 36 years old, Patel experiences a profound shift. During a recent beach visit, she noticed her own body—dimpled thighs, cellulite, stubbly legs, and a makeup-free, lined face—and felt a surprising indifference. She describes this moment as liberating, having spent the day swimming, playing with her son, and not once worrying about others' perceptions. This contrasts sharply with her ongoing struggles, such as researching lymphatic drainage brushes or trying to lose weight post-pregnancy, highlighting the internal conflict many women face.
The Contradiction of Beauty Standards
Patel explores the paradox of being both critically aware of how beauty standards drain mental and physical energy and yet unable to fully escape their grip. As a feminist, she understands these standards as a patriarchal construct linking women's attractiveness to social value. As a heterosexual woman, she acknowledges the role of male attention in shaping self-regard and societal relevance. This duality leads to a constant swing between rejecting physical ideals and seeking a "golden ratio" of appearance that might finally bring satisfaction.
The Burden of Beauty
She posits that being considered beautiful must be exhausting, as it requires maintaining a status that becomes increasingly difficult as standards escalate. In contrast, those who have never been seen as conventionally attractive are forced to find value in other aspects of themselves. Patel shares that she has cultivated confidence in her intellect, empathy, friendships, and creativity, while noting that some beautiful women may doubt these non-physical traits, as if society dictates that women cannot "have it all."
Embracing Age as an Opportunity
Patel suggests that age provides an inevitable and wonderful chance to break free from beauty norms. She reflects on the women in the changing room, now seeing their display of normal, strong, and useful bodies as a choice to view themselves as more than ornamental vessels. These bodies, she notes, were alive and active—swimming, creating waves, and navigating the rips of gender norms, even if limited by societal constraints.
Ultimately, Patel argues that when conformity to unattainable beauty standards becomes impossible, a freedom to be oneself can emerge. By embracing ageing rather than trying to forestall it through surgical means, we can reclaim our identities beyond appearance, finding liberation in the simple act of being unapologetically alive.
