Londoners Aren't Unfriendly – But Don't Compare Us to New Yorkers
Returning home after years abroad can feel alien and apprehensive, as Bim Adewunmi discovered when she moved back to London following a decade in the United States. In her article, she expressed missing the friendly interactions of New Yorkers, sparking a lively debate among readers about the social dynamics of London.
The Reverse Culture Shock of Homecoming
When you've expanded your world through living overseas, coming back to a familiar city like London can be jarring. You might miss the infrastructure, convenience, and variety, but most of all, the people. Not just close friends and family, but the general populace—the shop staff who leave you alone, fellow commuters who avoid eye contact, and the restaurant bills with service already included, eliminating the pressure to calculate tips.
Having lived in Brooklyn myself, I recognize the friendliness Adewunmi describes. New Yorkers are open, curious, and there's a social grease that smooths everyday friction. However, I gently push back on labeling Londoners as unfriendly. I was surprised that no one offered to help her with a buggy on the tube, as I recall such acts happening automatically, without fuss. Though, they might leave you to struggle with a suitcase.
London's Social Currency: Quiet Connection Over Small Talk
London is not a city built for small talk or frivolity, it's true. But the helpfulness of Londoners, who often pretend to mind their own business, is something I came to value after experiencing real indifference in other cities. There's a different kind of social currency here: the knowing glance, the audible sigh during a shared disruption. Perhaps I am romanticizing my hometown, but I believe there's still quiet connection to be found.
Michelle Watts from London shares this sentiment, emphasizing that Londoners aren't unfriendly—they just express kindness in more subtle ways.
Varied Experiences of Neighborliness Across the Globe
Gwen Jones, who lived and worked in widely differing countries for 38 years, offers a contrasting perspective. Her experiences ranged from great friendliness in Siberia during the Soviet Union's last years to bleak periods in Hungary and loneliness in Croatia. Since returning to the UK over five years ago and settling in north London, she has found the friendliest neighbors ever, with strangers often smiling and initiating conversations. She wonders if her part of north London differs significantly from Adewunmi's south London.
Susan Tideswell from Newcastle upon Tyne suggests that Adewunmi might find more smiles and communication by traveling farther north, highlighting regional differences within the UK.
The Broader Debate on Social Norms
This discussion underscores how cultural perceptions of friendliness vary. While New Yorkers are praised for their openness, Londoners defend their reserved yet helpful nature. It's not about being unfriendly but about valuing privacy and subtle gestures over overt interactions. As readers share their letters, the conversation continues to explore what it means to be friendly in different urban contexts.
Have an opinion on this topic? The Guardian welcomes letters for consideration in their letters section, encouraging further dialogue on social norms in cities like London and New York.
