Malvika Padin, a 29-year-old panromantic asexual woman, has opened up about her experiences navigating relationships and cultural pressures in an exclusive interview. Panromantic asexuality means she experiences romantic attraction across the gender spectrum but does not experience sexual attraction.
A Confrontation with a Neighbor
Padin recounts a recent encounter with her neighbor, who commented, 'You're almost 30 and have not found anyone to marry or settle down with.' The remark came during an argument about a parking space. 'At first I was confused – we weren't talking about marriage,' Padin says. The neighbor then added, 'I am glad I was able to get my son engaged,' which Padin felt was a 'gotcha' moment. 'It felt like she looked at me – a woman close to her son's age, financially, socially and happily independent – and believed I had failed in life because I lacked a life partner.'
Growing Up in India
Raised in India, Padin grew up in a culture that revolves around settling down, often through arranged marriages. Her father passed away when she was four months old, so love and marriage were not prominent in her early life. As a teenager, she noticed that peers discussed crushes and relationships, but she could not relate. 'I never experienced attraction. It never struck me as odd, it was simply a choice I was making.'
Discovering Her Identity
At 18, friends began questioning her lack of interest in relationships, sparking her journey to understand her sexuality. Initially, she identified as aromantic asexual – someone who experiences neither romantic nor sexual attraction. However, at 20, she fell in love with a fellow music journalism student. 'Our shared love for music and dance became the foundation of our friendship and relationship.' They dated for a year, but he eventually dismissed her lack of interest in sexual intimacy as a phase, leading to a breakup. This experience helped her realize she is panromantic asexual.
Relationships and Challenges
Padin has had three relationships over the past decade, each time being upfront about her sexuality. 'Them not being able to accept my sexuality is a dealbreaker for me.' She emphasizes that while ending a relationship due to her asexuality is heartbreaking, she refuses to hide her identity to avoid being labeled a 'lonely single woman.' She desires companionship and a monogamous partner who respects her boundaries: no sexual intimacy, no sharing a bed, and no children. 'It's a relationship society would dub as 'unconventional.''
Cultural Pressures and Family
Padin faces constant judgment from relatives and community members. In 2024, a distant relative told her she 'needs someone to live with and share life with.' A priest in India said, 'A home is only complete until there are people of your own to share it with,' even after she shared her achievement of building her own home. Her mother often advises her to compromise for a partner, which Padin dismisses. 'Being constantly told by those around me to stick to 'normal expectations' in love or to lie about my sexuality chips away at my self-esteem.'
Choosing Happiness
Despite the pressures, Padin remains confident in her identity. 'What I want and deserve is to be accepted – as a 29-year-old woman, who is panromantic asexual, I choose to celebrate my own identity rather than wallow in any perceived misery of loneliness.' When her neighbor made the thoughtless comment, she simply replied, 'I am choosing to be single and I am happy to be this way,' and walked away. 'I would rather be alone than be afraid of judgment.'
Padin is now focusing on her own happiness and expectations, rather than bending to societal norms. 'I have pride at knowing what I want and choosing what's right for me, even when those around me judge me.'
