For many of us, the quest to find the perfect present for a loved one is a source of annual anxiety. While some seem born with an innate talent for selecting the ideal offering, others find their well-intentioned gifts languishing unused at the back of a cupboard or, worse, destined for the bin.
The Psychology and History of Gift Exchange
This pressure is amplified by a culture that markets holidays as a time for giving, often equating consumption with happiness. However, Emma Seppälä, a psychologist and lecturer at Yale University, notes that research shows the joy from receiving a new gadget is fleeting. "It doesn't lead to the lasting happiness anyone's looking for," she explains.
This tradition is ancient. According to historical charity English Heritage, gift-giving is "likely to be as old as humanity itself." Dr Alan Fowler, an honorary professor, writes that early gifts were tools to build connections and ensure mutual well-being. The practice of judging gifts is equally old; in ancient Rome, a modest token could signify high esteem, while an overly expensive gift was seen as trying too hard.
How to Choose a Meaningful Present
Experts agree the key lies in shifting focus from the object to the person. "Good gifting really comes down to paying attention," says personal stylist Oluwakemi Ajibare. She advises listening for hints about colours, needs, or repeated interests. "The most thoughtful gifts come from listening."
Eleonora Maso, founder of a gift consultancy, suggests considering four elements: the person's genuine conversations, passions, lifestyle, and adding an unexpected touch. "Choose something that reflects their world, not yours," she says. A common mistake is choosing based on what you find cool, or confusing an expensive gift for an impressive one. "A costly gift given without intention feels like a transaction," Maso notes. "A simple gift chosen with precision feels like affection."
The Responsible Gift-Giver's Duty
The consequences of thoughtless gifting extend beyond disappointment. The US Environmental Protection Agency reports a 25% increase in household waste between Thanksgiving and Christmas, with Americans discarding an estimated 2.6 billion pounds of wrapping paper yearly.
There is a human cost, too. In 2024, The Big Issue reported that surging demand places pressure on factory workers worldwide, who may face poor pay and dangerous conditions.
To give more responsibly, Seppälä recommends shopping from vintage or independent makers on platforms like Etsy, buying locally, or seeking fair-trade products. Most importantly, she suggests having conversations with loved ones about what brings true joy. If the value is togetherness, consider a shared experience. Research indicates lasting happiness comes from service, meditation, or time in nature—a hike or a meditation app subscription might outlast another sweater.
But if a sweater is truly what they desire? "What are you going to do?" Seppälä concludes. The goal is thoughtful intention, not perfect execution.
