Enduring Love: What Makes These Marriages Last
In an era where fewer people are choosing to marry, four well-known couples have shared their secrets to building relationships that stand the test of time. From film director Bruce Robinson and artist Sophie Windham to authors Roxane Gay and Debbie Millman, these power couples reveal how they navigate rows, rules and the realities of sharing lives together.
Bruce Robinson and Sophie Windham: 42 Years of Creative Partnership
Bruce Robinson, best known as the writer and director of Withnail and I, met artist Sophie Windham at an Italian restaurant in London in 1982. He proposed just three days later, and they've now been married for 42 years, living and working side by side in the Welsh borders.
Sophie recalls her first impression of Bruce as 'deeply uncool' during the post-punk era, when he wore a low-cut shirt and cowboy boots while her friends had sticking-up hair. 'He talked at me for 40 minutes about how much he hated Margaret Thatcher,' she remembers. 'I try not to get him started on politics even now. Seeing him open the Guardian is my signal to run.'
Their marriage has thrived despite Bruce's obsessive work habits - they cut their honeymoon short after three days because of a script deadline. 'Anybody who wasn't creative themselves would have found that hard to put up with,' Sophie admits. As a painter, she understands his creative drive, though she notes he still works until 10pm many nights.
Bruce acknowledges their differences with affection. 'Sophie doesn't really annoy me or upset me in any way, even though I know she cannot say the same,' he says. Their secret includes having space to escape from each other when needed, with Bruce being one of the few people in England without a mobile phone.
Roxane Gay and Debbie Millman: Clarity and Persistence Pays Off
Author Roxane Gay and designer-podcaster Debbie Millman took a less conventional route to marriage. Their story began when Debbie sent Roxane a series of emails about her work that went unanswered for two years. 'I was in a relationship at the time, so I didn't respond,' Roxane explains. 'Luckily, Debbie is persistent.'
When Debbie finally asked Roxane out on 'a proper date' with formal sentence construction, Roxane was charmed. 'I was 43, and no one had ever asked me out so officially before,' she recalls. They married during the pandemic and now split their time between Los Angeles and New York.
Their relationship benefits from being equals in their careers and having met when they were older and more established. 'There's no professional imbalance between us because we are both at the apex of our careers,' Roxane notes. 'We just finally opened a joint bank account, but we both have our own sources of income.'
Debbie, who had been married twice before to men, says everything felt different with Roxane. 'From the beginning, I felt so in tune with her that I was never tempted to act out of insecurity or play games. With Roxane, I felt calm for the first time ever.'
Laura and Jon McClure: Navigating Marriage in a Band
Laura and Jon McClure from Reverend and the Makers fell in love while forming their band in the noughties, spending their early relationship partying until dawn and touring the world. Two decades, two children and countless gigs later, life has a different rhythm.
When Laura became pregnant eight years into their relationship, it was a culture shock that required significant adjustment. 'We wouldn't be able to manage to make things work day-to-day if we didn't have a huge familial support network,' Laura acknowledges.
The Covid pandemic proved particularly challenging. 'The wheels came off our marriage a bit during Covid because we were trapped at home together,' Laura admits. During this difficult period, they developed a traffic light system to communicate their tension levels. 'I will say to Jon, "I'm on amber today, babe. Feeling a bit antsy and something could tip me over to red."'
Jon recognises the implicit understanding that when push comes to shove, Laura will stay home with their children while he goes to do gigs. 'That creates a weird dynamic where I get to do all the "fun stuff", but Laura gets to be with the kids and get all the cuddles,' he says.
Greg and Kate Mosse: Partnership Through Life's Challenges
Novelists Greg and Kate Mosse met at school at 16, reconnected on a train in their late 20s, and married at 40 when their now grownup children were seven and nine. Their home in Chichester has often been full, caring for elderly parents alongside raising their children.
'Since Greg's mum moved in with us in 1999, and later my parents, too, there have been many birds in the nest,' Kate says. 'That might put a strain on some marriages, but not ours because we've known each other's families always.'
They approach everything as a shared responsibility. 'One of us steps forward while the other steps back, depending on what's needed,' Kate explains. 'And, over time, it balances out.'
Greg took Kate's surname in August 1989, before they married, because 'it was important to me to have the same name as her and our children.' He describes Kate as having 'an extraordinary capacity to give, and I have been one of her good works. For that, I will always be grateful.'
Despite their different approaches - Kate obsesses while writing then collapses once done, while Greg is more methodical - they maintain that partnership has always guided their decisions. As Kate wisely notes, 'If you're lucky to find a person who suits you so completely, it's not about every day being perfect.'
