Workplace Rudeness: Setting Boundaries and Respecting Time
Bridget Dalton, a semiotician and cultural analyst at Truth Consulting, notes that the old rules of rudeness were about showing respect to superiors. Now, it is considered ruder to impose on junior colleagues. For example, emailing junior staff outside working hours is an intrusion, especially since most email services allow scheduling messages. This implicitly suggests they should respond, which is unfair.
Sophie Jewes, co-founder of the image consultancy Raven, criticizes single-word responses like 'Yep' or 'Noted' on Teams or Slack. She calls them 'shrugs' and says they come across as dismissive. She also dislikes a 'double chase'—following up on a follow-up—which feels like standing in someone's office until they look up.
Public Spaces: Headphones, TikTok, and Zoom Calls
Christine Porath, a professor at UNC Kenan-Flagler Business School, says relying on chat platforms for conversations that could happen in person risks treating colleagues as names on a screen. She asks when technology is helpful versus when it makes people feel bad.
Ione Gamble, editor of The Polyester Book of (Bad) Taste, finds taking Zoom calls from cafes rude due to background noise like barking dogs. It implies the caller has somewhere more important to be. She also dislikes permanent out-of-office messages that set email hours, as they feel dismissive.
Playing TikTok videos out loud on public transport, in cafes, or taxis is widely annoying. Gamble says it prioritizes personal comfort over others, which is the definition of rudeness. Porath's study of 2,000 US workers found grocery store assistants increasingly report shoppers continuing phone calls on earphones at the till, failing to treat humans with dignity. Dalton suggests taking earphones out before entering a shop to avoid fumbling at the till and holding up the queue.
Dating: Ghosting, Rejection, and Public Displays
Olivia Petter, author and founder of Red Lips singles night, says initiating a meet-up without following through is a pre-date sin. She advises seeking ego boosts elsewhere, like posting a thirst trap on Instagram. Kitty Drake, the Guardian's Blind date matchmaker, argues that mutual ghosting after a first date where neither feels a connection can be polite, while sending a 'You're lovely, but...' rejection text can feel presumptuous.
Petter also advises against trying to kiss someone on a train platform or bus stop; if it hasn't happened before public transport enters the picture, wait for the next date. Drake criticizes promising to set a friend up and not following through, calling it selfish to avoid awkwardness.
Messaging: Voice Notes, WhatsApp Groups, and AI Texts
Using ChatGPT to write a heartfelt message may signal caring but outsourcing feelings can come across as uncaring, says Dalton. Gamble finds voice note replies rude, whether short (easily typed) or long (requiring time to listen and respond). Ivana Giachino from Lo Studio sees adding someone to a WhatsApp group without consent as an invasion of privacy, leading to unwanted messages from strangers.
Carrera Kurnik, author of Internet Anthropology, says not 'hearting' friends' suggested plans in group chats leaves them hanging and undermines their social position. Petter says leaving a WhatsApp group without warning is only acceptable if someone has done something abhorrent, like sleeping with your recent ex.
Content Creation: Strangers, Weddings, and Friends
Kurnik notes that making content about strangers, like first dates on TikTok, can be rude but engagement rewards rudeness. Gamble calls for banning street vox poppers, as they encroach on privacy. Wedding planner Sarah Haywood says guests filming every detail and posting before the couple is poor etiquette; guests should witness and support, not act as production crew.
Alexandra Dudley, cook and food writer, advises turning off video sound when posting from holidays or parties to avoid sharing private conversations. She also says not to post unflattering pictures of friends. Giachino believes many adults are too casual about posting friends' children online, as kids often hate being photographed and displayed.
Social Events: RSVPs, Cancellations, and Phone Etiquette
Haywood identifies an 'epidemic of RSVP amnesia,' where guests think they replied but didn't. Worse is not RSVPing while waiting for a better plan—Petter says to grow up and commit. Dalton warns against cancelling in the public WhatsApp group, as it gives permission for others to cancel.
Dalton advises keeping phones face down in company to manage concurrent online and offline lives. Dudley goes further for dinner parties, saying phones shouldn't be at the table to preserve the sacred element of sharing a meal. She also finds it rude when half the table vapes or smokes before dessert, separating the party. Gamble says assuming your dog is invited to plans, especially at someone's house, is rude, as not everyone likes pets.
