In 1983 or 1984, package holidays were not yet common, and Mallorca was in transition—not completely unspoilt, but not yet fully developed. Zoe Williams, aged nine, her sister, 11, and their mother, 46, were early adopters of the all-inclusive getaway, though their mother was not in an adopting frame of mind. She disliked small talk, buffets, bumptious dads, nuclear families, and even other single-parent families. She hated sitting by the pool, drinking piña coladas, group activities, quizzes, and forced fun—which she used as cover for her distaste for many other kinds of fun. Zoe and her sister loved forced fun, getting excited over cocktail umbrellas.
Arrival at Alcúdia
They arrived at a hotel in Alcúdia, part of a giant complex of identical hotels offering constant entertainment in exquisite temperatures—if you were a lizard. They spent one morning in the pool and one lunch sampling non-Spanish delights, where the question was not whether chips but how many and of which style, before their mother decided this was for losers and she wanted to discover the 'real' Mallorca. Without a car, they set off on foot, all in sandals, only Zoe wearing a hat. Sunscreen was not yet common. Zoe carried a little red clutch, hoping to find a charming craft shop.
The hike through building sites
The only road had no pavement and led to other hotels, so they scrambled over small rocks as hot as a pizza oven around the back of an unfinished building with anti-vandal infrastructure. 'Tsk,' Mum said, 'no wonder we felt like prisoners!' Zoe had not felt like a prisoner; she had felt great, enjoying a kids' club with a zip wire. They walked for hours over building sites, changing direction at every 'keep out' sign. They encountered no real Mallorca or Mallorcans, as builders knew better than to be out in the heat. Their mother hated drinking water, so they were very thirsty. The landscape was parched and barren, with unattended diggers and girders breaking up a beige post-apocalyptic scene. Their toes were caked in dust, and they could only perceive sunburn by the pain.
Lost and rescued
Trying to cheer everyone up, their mother described a radio play about a care home that turns out to be purgatory. Her narration went on much longer than the play itself. They finally got back to a hotel that was not theirs, but the staff gave them a lift because they looked dusty and crazed. From the salvation of the minivan, Zoe probed for some sign that her mother realised this had not been a good day. 'Tomorrow,' she said, 'we should definitely wear socks.'
