Late-night hosts Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert took aim at Donald Trump's controversial $1.76bn settlement with the IRS and his latest taxpayer-funded ballroom updates. On Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host noted that there was 'just so much lying and stealing and grifting and cheating in the news today' while Trump focused on what Kimmel sarcastically called the 'most important issue that we face as Americans'—his $1bn ballroom.
Kimmel on Trump's Ballroom Plans
After sharing footage of the president's incoherent presentation of plans, Kimmel said: 'I'm starting to get the idea Blob the Builder doesn't know much about construction either.' He added, 'Can you imagine the Iranians watching that this morning?' as Trump was minutes away from his latest purported deadline. 'If he wasn't so dumb it might be diabolical but it isn't, he's dumb,' Kimmel remarked.
Trump later backed down, and Kimmel noticed this often happens on a Tuesday. 'I think it's because he has more free time on the weekends to make threats,' he joked. While polls show Americans consistently oppose war with Iran, Trump has said he both acknowledges and rejects this. Kimmel called that 'all you need to know about this man' and 'about as stupid a sentence as I've ever heard in my life.' He concluded that 'Trump has no exit strategy for Iran.'
The IRS Settlement
Kimmel then moved on to what he called the 'most brazenly corrupt move by any president ever.' In January, Trump sued his own government for $10bn because someone at the IRS leaked tax returns he had been 'promising to show us for the last 11 years.' Kimmel described it as the 'legal equivalent of sitting on your hand until it goes to sleep so it feels like a stranger is touching you when you masturbate.'
This week, 'both sides which were the same side' reached a settlement amounting to an apology and a $1.76bn fund that Trump can use to pay 'anyone for anything,' including a slush fund for those involved in the January 6 riot. Kimmel sarcastically referred to rioters as 'the great patriots.'
Trump Jr.'s Wedding and Other News
This week also saw Donald Trump Jr. and his fiancée decide against marrying at the White House due to optics concerns. 'Somebody marrying Donald Trump Jr. is worried about the optics?' Kimmel asked. Instead, they will marry on a small private island in the Caribbean. 'His dad used to have a buddy who owned a small private island in the Caribbean,' Kimmel noted.
Additionally, it emerged that Trump benefited by about $740m from various trades resulting from larger decisions he made. Kimmel called it 'a smash and grab' and said 'you just can't keep track of what they're taking.' He also targeted Elon Musk, who attacked Christopher Nolan for casting Lupita Nyong'o as Helen of Troy in The Odyssey. Kimmel reminded Musk that the poem is mythical, as fake as 'Santa Claus or election fraud.'
Stephen Colbert's Take
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert also discussed Trump's settlement, agreed without 'congressional or court approval,' giving himself 'a taxpayer-fueled slush fund.' Colbert noted the situation was 'him on both sides' and that 'one group of lucky slushies' were January 6 rioters. But if viewers worry they'll get the money, 'they won't because Trump's gonna steal it all.' He predicted the five-person commission will be 'five Marco Rubios.'
'Surely this can't get more corrupt?' Colbert asked before noting the settlement precludes any investigation into fraud or misuse. 'It's just an all you can fraud buffet,' he said, calling it 'an unprecedented level of grift' and joking that Trump 'gave himself a get out of jail free card and a way better one than Jeffrey Epstein got.'
Colbert also called out Trump for posting 'powerful AI slop,' including a baffling picture of him pressing a red button that blows up Earth. The president called off another Iran attack, and Colbert said 'these threats are getting less and less effective the more he keeps dragging them out.' He also commented on Trump speaking to the press next to a 'pile of rubble where the East Wing used to be to talk ballroom,' noting how hard it was to hear due to construction. Colbert said Trump was 'just gonna keep finding louder and louder places to answer questions.'
