On the Cinco de Mayo edition of late-night shows, hosts Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, and Stephen Colbert took aim at President Donald Trump's new White House ballroom, the revival of the presidential fitness test, and the ongoing conflict with Iran.
Jimmy Kimmel on Trump's Ballroom
Jimmy Kimmel opened by referencing the Met Gala before questioning whether the lavish event could be hosted next year in Trump's newly proposed White House ballroom. Kimmel noted that the project's cost had escalated from an initial $200 million, allegedly funded by private donors, to $400 million, and then to a proposed $1 billion in taxpayer money pushed by Senate Republicans. The audience responded with loud boos. Kimmel sarcastically remarked, 'What can you say? The man loves to dance.' He highlighted that only 28% of Americans support the endeavor and quipped, 'Why does he need a room to hold balls? He's already holding JD Vance's balls, he's got Lindsey Graham's balls, he's holding the balls of almost every Republican in Congress.'
Kimmel then turned to the return of the presidential fitness test, which had been discontinued under the Obama administration. He joked that Trump wants kids to get in shape so they can 'marry a wealthy businessman.' Mocking the test, Kimmel said that instead of measuring sit-ups, it would now assess 'how many Wendy's tendies you can fit in your mouth,' adding, 'Only Donald Trump would bring back a test that he has no chance of passing.'
Seth Meyers on Iran and AI Meme
Seth Meyers focused on Trump's fitness test announcement, held in front of schoolchildren. Meyers noted that Trump claimed Iran would have launched a nuclear strike if he hadn't started the war, prompting the kids to wonder if that would be on the test. Meyers joked that the children were likely thinking about President Obama's Iran deal but were too polite to say it.
Meyers also discussed a White House image of Trump dressed as the Mandalorian holding Baby Grogu, seemingly AI-generated, to commemorate Star Wars Day. He quipped, 'The only thing I like about this image is that Grogu is looking at us like, 'Can you believe this shit?''
Finally, Meyers reported on a Florida Taco Bell employee who allegedly fired a gun at a customer who filled a water cup with soda. He remarked, 'Police are calling the man unstable, and Taco Bell are calling him employee of the month.'
Stephen Colbert on Cinco de Mayo and Hormuz
Stephen Colbert wished audiences a happy Cinco de Mayo, joking about coworkers in problematic hats inviting everyone for margaritas. He noted that the holiday fell on Taco Tuesday, with Taco Bell offering free Crunchwrap Supremes and 7-Eleven having a Bogo on burritos. Colbert quipped, 'If you eat more than one 7-Eleven burrito, you Bogo-ing to the hospital.'
Colbert then covered the closure of the Strait of Hormuz, with over 1,600 boats and 20,000 seafarers stranded, and Iran striking the UAE with missiles. He expressed concern for his parent corporation, Paramount, which relies on Gulf funds for a bid to buy Warner Bros. Colbert imagined what UAE-approved HBO programming would look like, such as 'the hot Euphoria reboot: Obey Your Parents.'
Discussing Trump's fitness test event, Colbert imitated Trump's voice while reading 'Green Eggs and Ham,' saying, 'The eggs are green because the chickens have mutated from radioactive fallout. But don't worry, you won't have to eat it because you'll all be dead.'
