In a candid revelation for Metro's 'How I Do It' series, a woman has detailed the intimate realities of her marriage to a husband 14 years her senior, including a diverging sexual appetite and discussions about opening up their relationship.
A Decade-Long Marriage With A Shifting Dynamic
Freya, 40, has been with her husband Jake, 54, for 18 years, and married for ten. While she identifies as straight, Jake is bisexual. The couple, whose names have been changed for privacy, are navigating a common but challenging marital issue: a significant mismatch in their sexual desires.
"Jake's sex drive is definitely lower than mine," Freya admits. "After he turned 40 it started to dip, while mine has gone up and up!" This natural shift, compounded by Jake's night shift work and Freya's own busy schedule, creates periods of frustration. They can go weeks without intimacy, though they sometimes make up for it with twice-daily sex when his work allows.
Freya is clear on her preferences, stating, "I'd rather have brilliant sex less often, than average sex a couple of times a week. That would bore me."
Future-Proofing Their Intimacy: The 'Open' Discussion
Freya also confesses to a fear of lifelong sexual monotony. "I'm afraid I'll get bored of having sex with just Jake for the rest of my life," she says. However, the couple has proactively discussed a potential solution long before it became a pressing issue.
"Even before we got married, we spoke about one day opening it up and involving other people," Freya explains. "We haven't yet, but knowing we could helps us both feel less trapped." This conversation evolved further when Jake came out as bisexual a few years ago. While he hasn't yet explored relationships with men, Freya says she is open to the possibility.
Their visions differ slightly: Jake favours a threesome, while Freya would prefer separate encounters. For her, the idea is not about replacing their connection but about novelty. "We just need to communicate about the situation before acting on it," she notes.
A Seven-Day Snapshot: From Frustration to Premier Inn Passion
Freya's recent week, documented in her diary, illustrates the rollercoaster of a long-term sex life impacted by logistics and energy.
The weekend was marked by solo satisfaction and missed connections. With Jake on night shifts, Freya took matters into her own hands on Saturday, but was thwarted by modern porn site verification processes. By Sunday, timing was again the enemy: "Just when I'm feeling horny, he has to leave for his next shift."
The dynamic shifted dramatically on Monday. Before a work trip to Lisbon, Jake joined Freya at a budget Premier Inn near the airport. Freed from domestic chores and shift schedules, the couple enjoyed "fantastic" sex twice and a connected, deep sleep. The spark continued into Tuesday morning with a spontaneous early-hours quickie before Freya's flight.
The afterglow sustained her through her work trip, with affectionate texts exchanged. Upon returning home on Thursday, a simple cuddle was enough, the memory of their hotel passion still fresh. Their 10th wedding anniversary dinner at a five-star hotel on Friday, however, ended comically unromantic, with both too full from a lavish meal to consider sex.
Reflecting on the week, Freya concludes that the spark is undimmed, just sometimes inconveniently timed. The promise of future adventures, both within and potentially outside their marriage, provides a sense of security and excitement for the years ahead.
