The Nightshirt That's Killing Intimacy
Welcome to How I Do It, the series offering a seven-day glimpse into the intimate lives of strangers. This week, we hear from Tammy*, a 43-year-old media professional whose three-month relationship with Charles*, 65, is being undermined by an unexpected obstacle: his Victorian-era nightshirt.
A Promising Start Derailed
Initially drawn to Charles' good looks, charm, and intelligence, Tammy quickly developed feelings for the older man. However, their budding romance has hit an intimate standstill, with the couple not having had penetrative sex despite Tammy staying over three to four nights weekly. "I have a healthy sex drive," Tammy explains. "In my last relationship, we typically had sex twice daily. With Charles, we haven't yet had sex at all."
The primary culprit? Charles' insistence on wearing what Tammy describes as a "revolting" nightshirt to bed. "I did not even know they existed outside of Dickens films," she admits. "Somehow Charles has located one, perhaps by robbing the grave of someone buried in the Edwardian era."
The Daily Struggle
Tammy's week reveals the depth of her discomfort. Each morning, she wakes to find Charles chain-smoking miniature cigars while wearing the offending garment. "It's like he's cosplaying a Jane Austen character," she observes. The sight revolts her so thoroughly that she "can barely look at him until nearly 11am" when he finally showers and dresses.
When Charles wears conventional clothing—"a nice shirt and chinos with a cashmere jumper"—Tammy finds him attractive. "He's over 6ft with the sort of bone structure most usually seen in the society pages of Tatler," she notes. "Seeing him like this, I definitely would."
Intimacy Attempts and Frustrations
Despite her attraction to the dressed Charles, intimacy attempts falter. When Tammy slips his hand inside her bra hoping to excite him, Charles complains she's "in the way of the television" as he watches Formula 1. Later, after drinking wine with lunch, he promises to give her "a damn good f***ing"—a pledge Tammy no longer believes since he's never followed through.
The relationship isn't completely devoid of physical connection. Charles performed oral sex twice recently, which Tammy prefers to penetrative sex. However, she wishes he would do it more frequently and notes that the second occasion felt more about his "male pride" than mutual desire.
Underlying Issues
Beyond the nightshirt, other concerns emerge. Charles misrepresented himself on Hinge, claiming to be 50 rather than 65 and hiding his smoking habit. Tammy suspects these factors contribute to his erectile dysfunction, though she's never discussed it with him directly.
Despite these challenges, Tammy recognizes Charles' positive qualities: impeccable manners, thoughtfulness, and their shared love for entertaining. "We are a good match in a lot of ways," she concedes.
A Potential Solution
Determined to address the nightshirt issue, Tammy researches replacements online, finding only synthetic Halloween costumes modeled by "unpleasant old men." After consulting Reddit forums where users expressed disbelief that anyone still wears nightshirts, she directly approaches Charles.
When she suggests buying him new nightshirts, Charles initially snaps "Why?!" Tammy carefully explains her perspective: "You wouldn't wear the same shirt to work each day, would you?" Though Charles claims to wash the garment every other day, Tammy knows he simply hangs the same "grubby garment" on a door hook each morning.
A Hopeful Development
The conversation yields results. Charles later messages that he's purchased four new nightshirts for £16 on Amazon. "This is a miracle," Tammy declares. While she still finds the sight of him in Victorian sleepwear "unsavoury," at least he won't be "marinating in the same filthy fabric each night."
Tammy remains cautiously optimistic about their relationship's future. "If I'm feeling less repulsed by his nightshirts," she muses, "who knows what this could do for our sex life, too." The experience has left her contemplating why people have affairs while simultaneously appreciating Charles' redeeming qualities enough to work through this unusual intimacy barrier.
