In a moment of profound vulnerability in August 2022, Amethysta Herrick, Ph.D., sat on the bed she shared with her wife, nervously fidgeting with an estrogen patch. Her 11-year-old son had just walked in on her applying it. With those quiet, life-altering weeks of her gender transition still fresh, she was unprepared for the conversation she now had to have.
The Fear of a Father's Betrayal
Embarrassed and defensive, Dr. Herrick asked her son to sit down. She was gripped by the fear that he would feel betrayed by the father she felt she had never truly been—a parent who had been distant, quick to anger, and often depressed in the years prior. She explained her truth: "That's what I'm trying to turn into: a girl." After a moment of quiet contemplation, her son glanced up and delivered a response that would redefine their bond: "I'm so glad you found what's going to make you happy."
Tears flooded Amethysta's eyes. For the first time in their relationship, she felt completely accepted and seen. This pivotal exchange, occurring just weeks after she began her medical transition on 7 July 2022, marked the beginning of a healing journey for the entire family.
A Lifetime of Suppression and a Son's Unexpected Role
Dr. Herrick's understanding of her own identity began early. Growing up in 1970s Los Angeles in a conservative household with three sisters, she knew by age 12 that she was a girl. However, her Silent Generation parents had no patience for such self-expression. Forced into a masculine role, she yearned for Barbies and fashion magazines, despising sports, but remained silent for decades.
In the late 1990s, while teaching chemistry part-time at a university, she met the graduate student who would become her wife. On their first date, Amethysta shared that she was transgender and was met with wholehearted acceptance. With her wife's support, she investigated transition in 2001 but abandoned the pursuit due to career instability.
After marrying and settling in Colorado, the couple decided to have a child. Amethysta, by then in a lucrative career, had shelved her transition plans. She secretly hoped for a daughter, seeing it as an outlet for her suppressed femininity. When a prenatal ultrasound revealed they were having a son, she was consumed by fear and resentment. "I felt my one chance at expressing my femininity had been stolen from me by a fluke of genetics," she recalls.
Adopting the brutal mantra "Boys need fathers, and fathers are men," she withdrew into a decade-long depression, emotionally distancing herself from her family while performing the role of provider. By age 52, she was, in her words, "broken and hollow." It was her wife who finally encouraged her to transition, seeing the toll of inaction.
Mutual Acceptance and a Shared Journey of Identity
Despite initial fears that transitioning would harm her son's development, Dr. Herrick began hormone therapy. The effects were transformative; she felt calmer, clearer, and hopeful. Crucially, her relationship with her son blossomed. Then, in 2024, when her child was 13 and navigating puberty, they came out to Amethysta as nonbinary.
The conversation was casual, almost nonchalant, as if they already knew they would be accepted. And they were, immediately and unconditionally. Amethysta realised she had not harmed her child by transitioning. Instead, she had given them the gift of freedom to express their own authentic self.
Reflecting on her journey, Dr. Herrick states that the best gift a parent can give a child is their own authenticity. "Before transitioning gender, I was miserable. I wished I didn't exist," she says. "Today, I am vibrant and happy. I see a future ahead of me. I want to live." Now living openly and proudly as Amethysta, she uses her writing and videos to encourage others to embrace their true identities.
