A friendship is being tested over one woman's contentment with single life and another's persistent matchmaking efforts. The central question: should a best friend stop trying to set up her happily single pal on dates?
The Clash of Perspectives: Independence vs. Concern
Haile, 28, feels she is being treated like a sad case simply because she is the only single woman in her close friendship group. After ending a relationship a year ago because the couple had drifted apart, she has rediscovered a love for her own company and a sense of calm without compromise. "I am not anti-love," Haile clarifies, "but I'm not interested in dating at the moment."
She finds her best friend Whitney's efforts to set her up with partners of friends embarrassing. Haile also feels pressure from Whitney's comments about not leaving it "too long" to have children, a topic she already hears about from her family. "Why do single people always have to explain their lives?" she asks. For Haile, being single is a conscious choice, not a waiting room for a relationship.
The Defence: A Friend Looking Out for Happiness
Whitney, who has known Haile since they were 16, argues she has seen her friend at her happiest when in love. She acknowledges Haile's current peace but worries her friend is becoming "hyper-independent" and closing herself off from potential happiness.
Whitney, now in a stable relationship herself, admits part of her motivation is social; she misses including Haile in couples' dinners and activities. She insists her comments about children stem from remembered conversations and concern, not judgement. "I just want her to have the best life," Whitney states, while accepting her matchmaking attempts may have caused pressure.
The Verdict from Guardian Readers
A jury of Guardian readers largely sided with Haile's right to define her own happiness. Jakub, 33, stated that Haile herself knows what is best, and good friendship shouldn't be influenced by romantic status. Oscar, 22, noted that Whitney needs to learn her perspective isn't universal.
Youssra, 28, and Julie, 67, echoed that Haile's clear choice should be respected, and Whitney's advice often seemed to suit Whitney's own social preferences. However, Anna, 45, offered a dissenting view, saying that while clumsy, Whitney's actions came from a place of love and that setting up friends is part of the fun of life.
In a related online poll, readers were asked whether Whitney should stop playing matchmaker. The results of a previous debate showed 85% thought a man named Hamad was guilty of compressing coffee in a moka pot too firmly.
