End of life experts have revealed the four biggest wishes people have on their deathbed, and they are not the extreme adventures often found on bucket lists. Chaplain Carol Tefler and Senior Healthcare Worker Rachel Moore, who work for the end of life charity Marie Curie, say that when they meet people nearing the end of their lives, it is the more mundane everyday moments that are most desired.
Getting Married
Carol, who has supported end of life patients for over eight years, has married multiple patients while they were in end of life care. She recalls one particular wedding for a woman who had been diagnosed with cancer during her second pregnancy and deteriorated suddenly. The patient wanted to marry her partner so that her children would see her name on her gravestone matching theirs. Carol arranged the wedding within hours, and the patient passed away the following day. 'To be able to give her that, her married name on her death certificate, was a really lovely thing,' Carol says.
Reliving the Everyday
Rather than craving new experiences, patients often seek comfort in familiar activities. Carol remembers a gentleman who had pushed away his fishing friends, the Baldy Anglers, because he did not want them to see him deteriorate. His last wish was to go fishing with them again. Carol and a colleague created a makeshift fishing experience with a plastic pool and magnetic fish, wearing bald hats and sitting on camping chairs. The patient's friends later expressed their gratitude, noting that knowing this was one of his last wishes meant a lot to them. Rachel adds that scents and music can also evoke nostalgia and bring peace.
Being Prepared for Death
Both Rachel and Carol note that patients often wish they knew what to expect in death. Marie Curie helps patients prepare for that moment by putting measures in place for the things that matter most to them. 'It gives them a sense of security within the experience of dying,' Carol says, noting that this provides a sense of certainty in an otherwise unknown process.
Rekindling Past Relationships
Rachel explains that they can contact loved ones from the past if patients are worried about doing it themselves. Carol recalls a patient who had become addicted to substances and felt he had ruined his life. He wanted to meet his grandchild and make amends with his daughter, who was initially terrified to see him. With the help of Marie Curie, the daughter eventually came to the hospice, rebuilt the relationship, and brought her baby to meet him before he passed away. 'Every moment is precious,' Carol says. 'In life, if you want to tell someone something, do it, as then there is no regrets.'
