In a candid account of a dating disaster, a woman has revealed how she was used as a pawn by her crush, who was secretly interested in her friend all along. The story, shared with Metro's 'So, How Did It Go?' series, serves as a painful lesson in queer dating and emotional manipulation.
The Ill-Fated Coffee Date
The writer's hopes for a romantic connection were shattered during a simple coffee date in 2019. Sitting across from Sarah*, the woman she had been texting and crushing on for months, the mood turned icy. Sarah's opening question wasn't about her date, but about another woman: 'Is Natasha* single?'
Instantly, the writer's heart sank. She knew Natasha was single, queer, and exactly Sarah's type. The truth became painfully clear: this wasn't a genuine date. "I wasn't on a date like I thought I was. I was on someone's fact-finding mission. And I wasn't the target," she recalls. The encounter ended quickly, leaving her heartbroken and confused.
A Poetic Beginning and Months of Deception
The story began three months earlier, after the writer came out as bisexual to her friends and family. Immersing herself in local LGBTQ+ community events, she became a regular at a queer poetry night with her friend Natasha. It was there she first saw Sarah, a poet who performed a piece about an ex-partner. The writer was instantly smitten, describing herself as becoming 'a cliche' by falling for a poet.
After the show, they connected. Sarah winked and promised to be at the next event. Weeks of daily texting followed, during which the writer confessed she had never been with a woman. Sarah's reply, "We need to fix that!", sent her heart racing. However, looking back, she sees the warning signs. Sarah regularly asked about Natasha's whereabouts, which the writer mistakenly dismissed as friendly curiosity.
After months of building courage, she finally asked Sarah out via WhatsApp. After an agonising wait, the reply came: "Yeah, let's grab a coffee :)". The uncharacteristic use of an emoji felt odd, but she brushed it aside, leading to the fateful cafe meeting.
Devastating Fallout and a Hard-Won Lesson
The aftermath was brutal. Sarah never texted after the date. A week later, the writer discovered from mutual friends that Sarah and Natasha had begun seeing each other. Both women cut her out completely, ghosting her. She lost not only a crush but also a close friend.
The experience devastated her confidence, making her feel "ugly and unwanted" and causing her to withdraw from the poetry scene and dating altogether. It took eight months before she met another woman who treated her with care and honesty, helping her rebuild her self-worth.
In a final twist, Natasha reconnected a month into this new relationship to reveal Sarah had cheated on her. They mended their friendship, but the damage was done. The writer learned a powerful, if painful, lesson about self-protection. "I was used by Sarah – but I made sure that I wasn't ever going to be walked all over again, whether by a friend, or a potential love," she states. The experience left her permanently more cautious about new connections.
*Names have been changed.
