A London couple's domestic harmony is facing a lather over a fundamental difference in their daily routines: how to properly take a shower. Audrey, who is Nigerian, and her Scottish boyfriend Noah have found themselves in a sudsy standoff after three years together, with their contrasting approaches to bathing causing a rift.
The Prosecution: A Case for Thorough Cleansing
For Audrey, proper washing is non-negotiable. She grew up in a Nigerian household where shower gel was banned in favour of proper soap and exfoliating net sponges. The goal was a rigorous scrub to ensure real cleanliness. Since moving in together nine months ago, she's observed Noah's technique with growing concern.
"He doesn't wash properly, but he thinks he does," Audrey states. She describes his method as simply patting a bit of shower gel around his body with no real scrubbing or attention to detail. She is particularly alarmed that he doesn't bend down to wash his feet, relying instead on the trickle-down effect of water. "He says, 'The water will find its way there.' I find it strange," she adds.
The issue came to a head recently during a visit to her cousin Femi's house. When Noah inquired about a bucket in the bathroom, it led to a discussion about the traditional Nigerian bucket bath—a method Audrey finds supremely thorough. She used the moment to joke about Noah's own habits, which she now acknowledges may have embarrassed him. While she concedes he always smells nice, she believes his lack of exfoliation isn't good for his skin and has even bought him a net sponge he refuses to use.
The Defence: Efficiency Over Operation
Noah, however, feels unfairly criticised. He argues that different cultural backgrounds have led to different standards, not necessarily wrong ones. A self-described "shaved-head, quick-shower kind of guy," he showers daily and uses shower gel. "I smell nice, so it's not like I'm unclean," he contends.
He points out the vast disparity in their bathroom time, with Audrey spending up to an hour on her routines. "I don't need to be re-enacting a purification ritual every time I get back from the gym," he says. While he found the bucket bath discussion fascinating, he was less pleased about being used as a negative example in front of Audrey's family.
On the specific charge of neglecting his feet, Noah offers a defence rooted in physics. "The idea that 'water will find its way' is not an excuse; it is simple physics," he explains, asserting that water and gel running down his body is sufficient. For him, this is a matter of personal technique, not hygiene, and he doesn't want to "feel like I'm choosing chaos every time I step into the shower."
The Jury's Verdict: A Splash of Opinions
The debate, put to a panel of readers, elicited a range of opinions. Some, like Friederike, 60, argued that daily exfoliation is unnecessary and can damage the skin, and that Noah's routine is adequate if he is clean and odour-free. Others, like Ana, 51, insisted that feet require special, direct attention to avoid problems.
Several jurors focused on the relational aspect. David, 73, saw Audrey's public critique as a "trust deal-breaker," while Adam, 55, questioned how she would feel if Noah mocked her hair rituals in front of his family. Alistair, 42, offered a compromise: "If Audrey is upset, she should stop watching, grab a loofah and help out."
Ultimately, the clash highlights how deeply personal and culturally ingrained our hygiene rituals can be. It's a dispute where cleanliness may be next to godliness, but the path to getting there is far from universal. The question remains: is a quick, efficient rinse enough, or does true cleanliness demand a dedicated scrub?
