In a heartening story of modern family creation, a single journalist and her gay best friend have embarked on the journey of parenthood together, redefining traditional paths to having a child.
A Decade of Singleness and a Shared Dream
Nicola Slawson, an author and journalist who had been single for ten years, had almost given up on her dream of becoming a mother. She had researched solo parenthood but found the financial and emotional prospect daunting. Her perspective shifted when she formed a close friendship with Tom Hayes, who worked at the Hive arts centre in Shrewsbury where she was a trustee.
Their bond was initially forged over a shared experience: feeling left behind as their peers in Shrewsbury started families and became less available. Tom, who is gay and was single at the time, revealed to Nicola that he too had considered the path of solo parenting. This mutual understanding planted the seed for a life-changing possibility.
The Drunken Proposal at an LGBTQ+ History Party
The pivotal moment arrived during an LGBTQ+ history month celebration at the arts centre in March. Fortified by wine and courage, Nicola found the perfect opportunity. "I just started knocking back the wine and I got really drunk," she recalls. She leaned in and whispered a question into Tom's ear, one she can't fully remember phrasing.
She believes she asked: "How would you feel about having a baby with me?" Tom's immediate response was to seek clarity: "As a donor, or, you know, a dad?" Nicola's answer was definitive. "No, I mean let's do it together." To her relief and joy, Tom's reply was simple: "Yeah, go on."
Navigating Parenthood as Best Friends
Last year, their decision became a reality when Nicola gave birth to a baby girl. Speaking to Helen Pidd, both parents openly discuss the complex realities of their arrangement. They acknowledge the struggles inherent in raising a newborn, but emphasise the profound rewards of their partnership.
"It's a struggle having a baby, but it's also amazing," Tom explains. He describes the experience as a profound privilege, a chance to relive childhood and witness every milestone. "To do it with your best friend. It just felt right," he adds, capturing the core of their unconventional yet deeply felt family unit.
Their story, first shared in a podcast episode on Friday 21 March, challenges conventional narratives about family formation. It highlights the growing visibility of planned co-parenting among friends, offering an alternative for those who desire children but not necessarily a romantic partnership.
