Walking into a dark, silent room and seeing an array of knives and razors laid out on a table, Valerie Lolomari instantly understood the horrific purpose of her visit. In that moment, her childhood trust shattered, replaced by a chilling fear of what was to come.
A Childhood Betrayal and Unimaginable Pain
Born to teenage parents in Lagos, Nigeria, Valerie was raised by her beloved grandmother, who she describes as her "mother, comfort, everything." At 16, her grandmother announced a dream holiday, a first for Valerie. The excitement turned to unease when they diverted to a strange house.
A stern-looking woman in a long dress and head wrap ushered them inside. The door shut with an echo that resonated in Valerie's chest. Led into a sparse room containing only a table, she saw the instruments: knives, razors, a bowl of oil. Two women stared silently. Her grandmother explained this was a necessary cultural rite of passage, an act of love to make her a woman.
Valerie fought with every ounce of her strength. She screamed, kicked, and tried to flee. She was overpowered, pinned to the floor, and subjected to the cutting with a blunt piece of metal. "The pain was unimaginable," she recalls. Through her tears, she saw her grandmother crying at the doorway.
Life After Trauma and a Journey to Healing
Forced to lie on the floor for hours, Valerie remained in the house for two days, weak and in pain as the bleeding slowly stopped. The physical aftermath included constant infections and urinary issues. The psychological scars ran deeper. She returned to school feeling isolated, ashamed, and irrevocably changed, withdrawing from friends.
Her relationship with her grandmother was fractured for years. With time, Valerie came to understand her grandmother acted from misguided love, not cruelty, a belief that helped her find a form of peace. She pursued university, met her future husband—who offered non-judgmental support—and moved to London in 1998, where they had three children.
Grateful for her family, Valerie made a solemn promise: her daughters would never undergo FGM. This personal vow evolved into a public mission.
Turning Pain into Purpose: Advocacy and an MBE
In 2021, Valerie founded Women of Grace, a UK-based, survivor-led organisation dedicated to ending FGM and all forms of gender-based violence. The group provides critical support through trauma-informed counselling, safe spaces, and legal guidance.
Its work extends to education and training, equipping frontline workers, teachers, doctors, and social workers to identify at-risk girls and respond with sensitivity. Women of Grace also campaigns for policy change in the UK and globally, ensuring survivor voices lead the conversation.
Earlier this year, Valerie received a letter announcing her appointment as an MBE in the 2026 New Year's Honours, a humbling recognition of her vital advocacy. Despite a 2008 WHO resolution to eliminate FGM, the practice persists in over 30 countries across Africa, the Middle East, and Asia, placing an estimated 4 million girls at risk annually.
Valerie's message is clear: FGM is not tradition or care; it is violence rooted in gender inequality, a denial of a girl's right to her own body and future. Through her work, she is helping to end it—one conversation, one intervention, one girl at a time.
