A reader has responded to Annalisa Barbieri's advice column, expressing concern over comments that equate successful parenting with raising independent adult children. The reader, who wishes to remain anonymous, highlights the largely invisible generation of midlife parents caring for adult children who are not in employment, education or training (NEET).
The Hidden Reality of NEET Families
Many of these young adults live with neurodivergence, severe mental illness, post-Covid syndrome, or chronic ill health. According to the reader, they are often bright individuals who, for various reasons, cannot seem to start adult life. The reader, speaking from personal experience, notes that comments implying successful parents produce independent adults leave many feeling they have failed at the most important job of their lives.
Emotional and Social Impact on Parents
The reader describes the immense grief and shame carried by these parents, who become experts at changing the subject when asked about their children's activities. They have watched children who were once thriving gradually withdraw from education, relationships, and the outside world. Every article about NEETs asks how to better support these young people, but almost none address what this means for the parents holding everything together behind closed doors.
A Call for Broader Support
The reader suggests it is time to widen the conversation. Alongside supporting struggling young adults, society should also ask how to support the families who continue to care for them. If supporting parents gives children the best start in life, why does that support stop when caring becomes harder? The letter concludes by urging a shift in focus to include the needs of caregivers.
