A primary school class in London collected £560 for teachers and teaching assistants, prompting a parent to declare that end-of-term gift giving has 'gone too far'. The sum equates to more than £18 per child in a class of 30, according to a report this week.
Social pressure drives up contributions
Kirsty Ketley, a freelance writer and parent consultant, said she transferred £20 into her son Leo's class collection without thinking, later realising she felt pressured to avoid appearing stingy. 'When I saw dozens of parents reply to the initial whip round message with a thumbs-up emoji, I couldn't help but wonder what everyone else was giving,' she wrote. 'It meant I transferred that little bit more than I planned because I don't want to look tight.'
Her son's class spent around £200 on one teacher and one teaching assistant. Ketley noted that some parents contribute to the class collection and still buy an additional present, describing the upmanship as something that makes her 'quietly lose the will to live'.
Card etiquette adds to complexity
The thank-you card has become a minefield, with some classes signing from the whole group and others only including children who contributed. 'The fact that we're even having to navigate the etiquette of who gets their name on a thank-you card tells me everything I need to know about how overcomplicated this has become,' Ketley said.
She advocates for an unofficial cap of £5 per family, similar to Secret Santa, which would yield a £150 gift for a class of 30. 'That way nobody will feel embarrassed if money is tight or worry they're being judged – and nobody would feel they must match the most generous parent in the class.'
Teachers value heartfelt notes over expensive gifts
Ketley's husband, a teacher, has told her that most teachers 'aren't secretly hoping for expensive hampers or luxury vouchers'. Instead, they treasure handwritten cards, funny drawings and heartfelt messages. 'The wine and chocolates disappear, but the card with the wobbly handwriting saying, 'thank you for helping me with my maths' almost always gets tucked away in a drawer for years,' she wrote.
The article concludes that the tradition has drifted from its original purpose and should not feel like 'another bill landing just before the summer holidays'. Ketley urges parents to remember that 'it's the thought that counts'.
