Welcome to How I Do It, the series offering a seven-day glimpse into the sex life of a stranger. This week, we hear from Rhiannon*, a 35-year-old entrepreneur living in Notting Hill, London. She is demisexual, straight, and recently single after discovering her boyfriend of six months had been unfaithful. Currently not sexually active with anyone, she still considers herself a sexual person.
“When I’m in a relationship, I’m usually the one initiating sex and I’d happily have it most days,” Rhiannon says. In her 20s, she wanted marriage and children, but that has changed. “Most of my close friends married quite young and I assumed that would happen for me too,” she explains. “Instead, I ended up in a rocky on-and-off relationship which ended when he left me for someone else and married her within six months.”
Now a successful businesswoman, Rhiannon has built a life she “genuinely loves.” She adds, “I have financial and emotional freedom, a beautiful home, wonderful friendships, fulfilling work, and the ability to travel. I no longer see marriage as the ultimate marker of success or happiness for a woman.”
Monday
Earlier this month, Rhiannon had a colposcopy to check her cervix following an HPV diagnosis, and she was warned her next period might be painful. She didn’t realize how much. The diagnosis shocked her since she had been vaccinated and had few sexual partners. Despite cramps, she had a date with Max*, whom she met on a dating app. They met at a pub, and although she didn’t find him conventionally attractive, the date went well enough to move to dinner. There was an ease, but she kept physical distance. They didn’t kiss. When he asked her back to his place, she declined politely, sensing a shift in his mood—he was clearly annoyed, a red flag.
Tuesday
She woke to a notification from the app: Max didn’t want her number, citing lack of chemistry. She took it well, knowing that “chemistry” can mean many things, and people expecting instant chemistry are often less emotionally mature. She felt relieved to discover this early, though slightly offended. She took the day off, still unwell, and spent it on the sofa watching Netflix before going to bed early.
Wednesday
Rhiannon visited a friend who just had a baby. On paper, her friend is everything she is not: in a loving relationship, a full-time mother of two under two, financially dependent on her partner. Rhiannon values her independence and has structured her life to remain financially secure even if she decides to have a family. Her friend joked about Rhiannon’s lack of sex life, and they laughed that neither would have sex that month. Rhiannon brought a gift for her friend, not the baby, and her friend opened up about postpartum struggles and anxiety about not having a career to return to. Rhiannon left feeling grateful for her own choices. She is not certain she doesn’t want children but is flexible about the timeline and would only have them within a stable, committed relationship.
Thursday
Feeling better, Rhiannon caught up on work. In the evening, she had another date through an app that sets up blind dates. They had nothing in common, and after 37 minutes, they agreed to part ways. She got home, showered, and for the first time in over a week, felt in the mood for solo time. Masturbation for her is less about physical release and more about reconnecting with her body. She uses a clitoral-only vibrator she has had for nearly a decade. “It’s probably one of the most reliable things in my life,” she says. “I know exactly what works for my body, and there’s something reassuring about that familiarity.” She enjoys vaginal sex but rarely climaxes that way. Her vibrator is showing its age—the battery dies at inconvenient moments—so she may need an upgrade.
Friday
She worked and found herself thinking about sex more than all week. By evening, she gave in to another solo session with her vibrator. It felt grounding, almost emotional as much as sexual. For her, orgasm is connected to clitoral stimulation, fantasy, anticipation, and mental relaxation. She replays past moments of chemistry. “It’s less ‘wild passion’ and more a quiet sense of pleasure, tension release and feeling back in my own body again.” She orgasmed, then went again.
Saturday
She spent the day with friends, reminded of how full her life is. They grew up with no shame around sex, while she was raised in a conservative immigrant household where she was taught to wait until marriage. She lost her virginity at 19 to a long-term boyfriend and has had only four sexual partners, all within significant relationships. They discussed her HPV diagnosis and when to disclose it. She finds it difficult to carry the psychological burden of disclosure, even though the virus is almost universal. She values openness and would mention it in a serious relationship, but doesn’t think women should feel “contaminated.” She left feeling reassured.
Sunday
She slept in and, in the mood again, spent time with her vibrator, fantasizing about an ex. She remembers the way he touched her, the familiarity of his body, lazy Sunday mornings together. “It feels more reflective than emotional, like revisiting something rather than wanting it back.” The rest of the day was calm; she went for a long walk in nice weather. In the evening, she had another first date. She didn’t expect much, but he was thoughtful and easy to talk to, asking questions that could build a friendship—the best foundation for more. They parted ways, and he took her number without pushing further, which was refreshing. “I’m not sure if anything will come from it but who knows…”
