For four years, Grace Lee-Brindle, 36, and her partner Mike, 36, endured countless hospital visits, three rounds of IVF, and spent almost £40,000 in their quest to have another child. Throughout their ordeal, Grace frequently faced the same question: 'People would ask, “Why are you doing this? You already have a daughter.”'
The Reality of Secondary Infertility
According to the Fertility Network, fertility problems affect around 15% of the population, while secondary infertility—when a person has already had a pregnancy but struggles to conceive again—affects about 5%. A recent UK study by Wild Nutrition found that 79% of parents wanted more children than they currently have, with the figure rising to 88% among those with one child.
Couples experiencing secondary infertility say there is a stigma around the issue. 'People would tell me: “You’ve got a lovely life,”' says Grace, who is already mother to Marley, now five. 'It was really hard to hear, because it feels like you’re being judged—especially as it wasn’t just about us; we were putting Marley through this as well. You feel lonely, even in the fertility space. You can’t talk to people struggling with primary fertility because of course they’re thinking: “You’ve already got a baby!”'
A Difficult Journey Begins
Grace knew she had been lucky to conceive Marley after just two months of trying. As a clinical psychologist specializing in fertility and perinatal mental health, she often spoke to people struggling to start a family. But after six months of trying to conceive again, she began to worry. 'I was feeling uneasy,' Grace says. 'I tried to find the silver lining, telling myself that at least I get longer with Marley as an only child. But after a year or so, we reached out to the NHS.'
The couple was told they had 'unexplained infertility,' with no issues found in Mike's sperm or Grace's eggs. After 18 months of trying, and because the NHS does not fund IVF for secondary infertility (depending on location), they turned to a private clinic. 'The consultant recommended ovulation induction, where they give you medication to increase the amount of eggs you produce each month,' Grace explains.
Shortly after, Grace developed ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, a severe reaction where the ovaries over-respond to fertility medications. 'My body started filling with fluid and pushing against my lungs so I couldn’t breathe very well,' she says. After recovery, doctors adjusted her medication, but two months later, Grace still wasn’t pregnant.
IVF and Heartbreak
The pair decided to try IVF, knowing the odds were against them. On average, only 31% of UK couples achieve pregnancy on the first round of IVF using fresh embryo transfers. Despite collecting 24 eggs, the couple ended up with just 'two poor quality embryos.' What followed was a miscarriage and another unsuccessful round of IVF.
'In the worst moments, your brain goes to: “Is this your body, or the universe, telling you that you’re not a good enough parent to have a second child?”' Grace recalls. 'My daughter would say to me: “Mummy, why don’t we have a baby?” because all of her friends had baby siblings. So, on one hand I was doing it for her, but in another sense I was just a wreck, and I felt like I wasn’t being the best parent I could be.'
As the couple searched for answers, many women in Grace's life, including her twin sister, offered to donate their eggs. 'I’d never ask anyone to do that, but I was so lucky; I had five friends offer eggs to me. It’s so lovely people were willing to do such a huge thing for us.'
A New Obstacle
In 2024, the pair decided to try another round of IVF with Grace's eggs, but just as they were preparing, she was diagnosed with an overactive thyroid. 'You can’t get pregnant while you’re on the medication for an overactive thyroid. I was smack bang in infertility world and I had to start using contraception. I remember thinking it’s laughable how ridiculous this is.'
For Grace and Mike, it felt like a constant waiting game, putting their plans on hold while Grace's thyroid got under control. Speaking about why she longed for a second child, she says: 'Some people choose to have one child, and I’m totally respectful of that, but I liked the idea of Marley having someone to do life with. I kept thinking about Marley in the future, as an adult. I have such a strong relationship with my sister—I can’t imagine my life without her. I would think about Marley sitting with us, or coming to see us when we’re older, and be sad that she wouldn’t have a pal.'
A Long-Awaited Success
Almost a year later, in summer 2025, after spending nearly £40,000 trying to get pregnant, Grace and Mike finally went through their third round of IVF. 'When I got the positive result, Mike actually thought someone had died by the look of my face. I wasn’t excited. The fear that came over me was just horrendous.'
'I didn’t enjoy the pregnancy at all. And that’s the weird thing because all I’ve wanted for four years is to be pregnant. But the second I had it, I couldn’t trust it. I remember telling my family: “You can have your excitement outside of my space, but I can’t have it, because I can’t handle the pressure.” At 12 weeks, I had to accept that this might happen. Then at 20 weeks I thought we’re now going to need to get prepared. But there was honestly no point where I thought it’d actually be okay.'
In March 2026, Grace had a planned c-section. 'We wanted prediction; we couldn’t handle any more drama or uncertainty,' she says. Little Ziggy was born healthy and happy, and Grace says he has 'completed' their family, but the ordeal has had a lasting impact.
'It makes you question yourself,' she says. 'You think: “Am I finding parenting so stressful that my body won’t let me get pregnant?” “Is it some way of protecting me from doing it again because I couldn’t cope?” It starts to feel like a judgement on your parenting and your relationship with your first child. You are looking for every reason to try and find out why this isn’t happening, because no one is giving you a physical reason. So, you go to what horrendous thing must I have done in the past to deserve this.'
Advice for Others
If you’re going through secondary infertility, Grace advises being kind to yourself. 'In the end, it was just luck. So, stop beating yourself up; you’re not doing anything wrong. We just got lucky.'
