How do you know that your partner is The One? Is it the morning coffee they bring you every day? The way they look at you across the room at a party? Or is it the emotional boner poking through their jeans? A video of a couples proposal went viral on TikTok recently, after viewers spotted that the groom-to-be was sporting a sizeable erection during the special moment. Commenters were quick to declare the boner proposal a sign of a love that will last forever, adding that a man comfortable showing his true emotions in this way is the ultimate green flag.
What Are Emotional Boners?
Emotional boners are a real phenomenon, according to experts. Katherine Cavallo, a psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP), explains that the phrase emotional boner is a slang term for what is actually a somatic emotional reflex. An erection is the result of a complex interaction between the brain, nervous system, and blood vessels, resulting in increased blood flow to the penis. When it comes to why emotional boners might occur, it is important to understand that being aroused and wanting sex are two different things. Arousal is an involuntary physical reaction that can take place in a number of different scenarios.
When Do Emotional Boners Occur?
While boners are typically associated with sexual pleasure, there are scenarios where an erection may be triggered by intense non-sexual feelings such as relief, stress, or deep intimacy. A small survey conducted by Cosmopolitan in 2019 found that 52% of men have experienced an emotional erection before. Katherine shares that, in her clinical experience, emotional erections can happen during any moment of profound, relational intimacy that is not explicitly sexual. For example, during a deeply vulnerable conversation where both partners feel intensely seen or when comforting a partner through an emotional breakthrough. If this happens regularly, it could illustrate a strong, trusting relationship, as this reaction is usually linked with feeling safe, vulnerable, and connected.
Can Emotional Boners Be a Bad Sign?
While emotional boners can occur during times of extreme joy, Katherine notes that it is also possible for an erection to occur as a physiological response to fear or anxiety. She says that at times of shock or distress, the autonomic nervous system can generate an involuntary overflow, resulting in these physiological consequences. Ultimately, there remains a great deal of misinformation and shame in relation to bodily reactions associated with sex and sexual arousal, in both men and women. Referencing the proposal clip, she notes that this reveals a precious, pivotal moment in the couples life full of emotion. Similarly to the tears the groom-to-be experienced, his erection is simply another involuntary response to a deeply moving experience.
