Zoe Williams, a Guardian columnist, has revealed her profound denial over her son's imminent departure for university, despite having been involved in every step of the process. In a candid reflection, she admits that the reality of her first-born leaving home has 'knocked her for six,' even as she helped him choose his university, celebrated his exam results, and purchased him a set of saucepans.
Williams describes the moment she saw a photo of her son's university accommodation, noting that it looked 'perfectly nice' but had a 'slightly dystopian atmosphere of a neutral colour palette.' The absence of people made the room feel strange, and it was then that she realised: 'he's actually serious about this. He truly intends, in one month's time, to get all his stuff, put it in bags, take it to another city and live there.' Her surprise, she says, is 'bottomless.'
From Expectation to Reality
Despite being 'right there for the entire process' – from the university selection to the offer, the challenging maths A-level paper that sparked a petition on change.org, and results day – Williams confesses that she had filed 'I'm going to university' alongside other 'cute, dumb things kids say,' like 'I'm going to space' or 'I'm an otter now.' She expected her son to remain seven, not to move to another city with his new saucepans.
Her denial was foreshadowed one night when her son was out until 1:30am. Rather than embracing his independence, she woke up his sister, his dad, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's mum to check on him. The next day, her son set up a family tracking app to prevent such worry.
Tracking App and Interrailing Adventures
The tracking app, which Williams describes as 'a little bit like Snap Maps, except a thousand times more invasive,' allows her to see his location, speed, battery life, and even when he last went for a walk. When he went Interrailing, the app struggled with train speeds, sending alerts like: 'TJ is moving at 109mph. Tell TJ to slow down.' Williams admits to sending umbrella emojis and calling him when it rains, rather than accepting his autonomy.
Williams reflects on the 'empty nest' analogy, noting that birds are 'probably glad of the space' when their young leave. She jokingly suggests an alternative: 'operate more like silverbacks, where the young signal their maturation not by leaving, but by vanquishing the old in combat and taking our status and all our … I don't know, fruit?'
A Friend's Tale of Dropping Off a Son
A friend, whose son went to university last year, shared a story of her own struggle to leave after dropping him off. She befriended the security guard and asked so many follow-up questions that he ended up giving her a tour of the city. The only sad part, Williams notes, was when her friend cried so much on the way home that she drove into a bus lane.
Williams concludes that while parents genuinely wish each other's children success, 'none of us, surely, can have thought this all the way through.' Her reflection highlights the emotional complexity of a child's transition to adulthood, a universal experience for many parents.
