16 Hard-Earned Relationship Tips: Love, Honor, Cherish, Accommodate
While there is no universal recipe for a successful relationship, we can learn valuable lessons from each other to build partnerships that endure. What truly constitutes the key to a good relationship? For some couples, sharing hobbies is essential, while others emphasize the importance of maintaining individual interests. Some studies suggest separate beds lead to happiness, while others claim it signals the end of romance. When one individual got engaged, they asked their parents—married for four decades—for advice, receiving the pragmatic response: "Contribute as much as you can to your retirement accounts."
Ultimately, every couple or throuple is unique; what works for some may not work for others. Nevertheless, we can always gain insights from shared experiences. For Valentine's Day, Guardian readers contributed their best relationship advice, offering wisdom from years of partnership.
Make Life Easier for Each Other
Many years ago, one reader encountered George Eliot's famous quote: "What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?" This perspective transformed their approach to relationships. Struggling with depression, which complicates maintaining balance, they focus on doing at least one small thing daily to improve their partner's life, ensuring they haven't failed the day entirely.
Lower Your Expectations
High expectations for a partner often breed conflict and disappointment. Learning to appreciate what you have, even if it falls short of ideals, expands your mind and capacity for love. However, this does not mean accepting any form of abuse, as boundaries remain crucial.
Laugh Together Often
Laughter has proven to be a lifesaver for many couples. One reader met their wife in high school, instantly falling in love due to her humor. Over two decades, laughter has eased pain during life's hardest moments, such as family estrangement, transforming tears into joy and strengthening their marriage.
Remember You're Different – Not Better or Worse
Long-term relationships thrive when partners acknowledge their different upbringings and family dynamics, adjusting accordingly rather than judging. This acceptance fosters harmony in both friendships and romances.
Learn How to Have Uncomfortable Conversations
Some couples mistake never fighting for compatibility, but this can mask an inability to express needs. One reader's marriage ended abruptly when their husband couldn't articulate his reasons, highlighting the importance of feeling safe to discuss discomfort and vulnerabilities.
Love, Honor, Cherish, Accommodate
After 36 years of marriage, a couple realized their happiness despite being opposites boiled down to these four words. Accommodating differences has been key to their lasting partnership.
Remember Why You're Together
Never forget what initially brought you together. Irritations in the moment are unlikely to outweigh the reasons you fell in love, helping maintain perspective during conflicts.
It Doesn't Always Work Out – And That's Fine
While fairytale romances are desirable, life rarely follows such scripts. Love is positive, but not everyone reciprocates or shares your values. Being single can be preferable to unhealthy relationships.
Learn to Listen
Seek to understand more than to be understood. Active listening builds empathy and connection, preventing misunderstandings.
Be Honest
Even white lies can undermine relationships, causing doubt and insecurity. Avoid starting partnerships where dishonesty is normalized, as trust is foundational.
Like the Person You're in Love With
Consider if this person would be your choice on a deserted island. Fancying each other and enjoying deep, late-night conversations contribute to a fulfilling relationship.
And Be Friends with Them
When dating, assess compatibility as friends. Shared interests, moral alignment, and kindness to others indicate potential for long-term happiness. If these elements are missing, it's better to end things early.
Love Ebbs and Flows. Like Lasts
Love may lead to impulsive decisions, but lasting partnerships require friendship. This foundation sustains relationships through changing emotions.
Give Them Room to Grow
The person you marry in your twenties will evolve over time. Attempting to control or mold them after your image dooms the relationship, whereas allowing growth fosters mutual development.
Have a Short Memory
Holding grudges for past mistakes is counterproductive. Forgiveness and moving forward prevent resentment from poisoning the partnership.
Let Them Be Right
Allow your partner to do things their way, even if you believe it's wrong. Control diminishes relationships, whereas shared love thrives without domination.
Partner with Someone Competent
Avoid doing everything for your partner, as this can lead to resentment. Competence and mutual contribution ensure a balanced and respectful dynamic.
