If you can say the name of a wine without stuttering, don’t order it. Sure, we can all pronounce Sauvignon Blanc, Sancerre, Chablis, Côtes du Rhône and Malbec, but be warned: the ones that roll off the tongue come with a 'pronunciation tax'. And because it’s even easier to say 'second wine down, please', those come with an 'idiot tax' that 80% of diners don’t know they’re paying.
Why Unpronounceable Wines Are Better Value
Experts say the trick to drinking like an insider is to order the wine you can’t pronounce. These bottles are often passion projects for sommeliers or restaurant owners, who hide them in the wine list. Made from grapes with tricky names like Agiorgitiko, Nerello Mascalese, or Xinomavro, these wines are harder to sell, so margins are lower. Restaurants aggressively mark them down to keep stock moving, offering incredible value.
Maxim Kassir, Head of Wine at The Aubrey at Mandarin Oriental Hotel in London, confirms: 'Naturally, the demand for famous names is higher. Most guests prefer to stay on the beaten path. As demand increases, so does the price – simple economics. Wines off the beaten path can offer great value for money. They are often the underdogs, but that’s exactly where the opportunity is.' He adds, 'Personally, I look for wines made from indigenous grape varieties rather than international ones. Who needs another Chardonnay from Abruzzo? I’d rather go for Pecorino.'
Wines to Avoid
The wines that keep restaurants profitable are Sauvignon Blanc, Prosecco, Merlot, Pinot Grigio, and similar popular choices. For example, at the Ivy Brasserie, a bottle of Touriga Nacional from Portugal costs £47.85, while Argentinian Malbec starts at £57, yet both retail for similar prices in stores. Popular wines work on a standard gross profit margin of 75% minimum, often 85% at swanky London restaurants. This means a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc costing the restaurant £8 can be listed at £55. Conversely, to encourage tasting of Mencia from Spain or Austrian Zweigelt, restaurants drop margins to 50-60%, so you might pay £30 for a bottle that costs them £15 – doubling quality for half the price.
The second cheapest wine on the list is a trap, often the most profitable for the restaurant, targeting those who avoid house wine out of fear of appearing tightfisted.
What If You Can’t Afford the Unpronounceable Wine?
Go for another unpronounceable wine that’s cheaper – there’s always one. Alternatively, call over the sommelier or waiter, point to your price range, and say: 'Do you have anything really unusual for that price? I like a Pinot Noir in style.'
Unique Wines to Look For
- Assyrtiko (ass-ear-tea-koh): For fans of Chablis, this dry, zesty white from Greece has a touch of salinity from volcanic soil.
- Grüner Veltliner (groo-na-velt-leena): Austria’s flagship white, similar to Sauvignon Blanc but with a white pepper finish.
- Godello (go-day-yo): A sommelier secret from northern Spain, zesty when young, richer with age, at a fraction of White Burgundy prices.
- Xinomavro (Zeen-oh-mav-roh): Greece’s signature red, similar to Barolo but without the cost.
- Touriga Nacional (tour-eeger-nass-eeon-al): Portugal’s red grape, Cabernet-like with a bergamot note.
- Frappato (Fra-pat-oh): A light, fruity red from Sicily, like Beaujolais, and chillable.
Maxim Kassir also recommends: Slovenian Rebula (complex, savoury, mineral-driven), Feteasca Alba from Moldova (light and fresh with stone fruit), and Saperavi from Georgia (structured, full-bodied with black fruit).
Remember: if you have to point at the wine list because you’re afraid of mangling the name, you’ve made the right choice.
