Ten writers have shared their most traumatic hair disasters, from bowl cuts and extreme mullets to punk dos and disastrous dye jobs, in a candid collection that proves a terrible hairstyle can never be forgotten – even decades after it has grown out.
The stories, published by The Guardian, feature a range of hair-related mishaps, including a fringe inspired by footballer Kevin Keegan, a Keith Flint-inspired shave that looked more like an escaped convict, and a three-year refusal to get a haircut that resulted in a 'terrible mess'.
Professional Hairdressers Behind Some of the Worst Cuts
Writer Kate Lloyd recounts a late-1990s fringe that resembled a 'trendy east London mullet' or a 'Knight Templar', despite being cut by a professional hairdresser. The style, which she wore for almost a year, was compared to the botched Jesus fresco restoration. Lloyd's mother has no recollection of the hair being a problem, saying, 'You were a little girl!'
Viv Groskop describes a 1977 photograph where a professional hairdresser cut her hair in a 'Purdey' or 'pageboy' style, which looked stunning on Joanna Lumley but less so on a moody toddler. Groskop's mother later admitted, 'It was done very badly.'
Teenage Hair Experiments and Their Consequences
Jeffrey Ingold, at age 15 in 2006, sported a hairstyle that looked like 'a cross between a bird's nest and tumbleweed'. He refused to get a haircut for three years, using his hair as 'armour' against bullying and rumours about his sexuality. He only cut it when he got accepted to university, noting, 'Though the kids were right: I am gay.'
Polly Hudson, at age 14 in 1989, had a short back and sides cut on the advice of a 'frenemy', which resulted in a 'hushed silence' in the salon and a piercing scream from her mother. The style took five years to grow out, and Hudson has since avoided fringe trends like Claudia Winkleman's, saying, 'I've learned the hard way.'
Dye Disasters and Drunken Haircuts
Carys Afoko went blond in 2011 after seeing Beyoncé at Glastonbury, but after a two-week beach holiday, her hair became white blond and fried. Her hairdresser, Vernon, told her, 'Babe, we can't bleach it any more. The condition is terrible.' Afoko learned that 'the only low-maintenance way to have blond hair is to be born with it.'
Alexi Duggins, after drinking 'quite a lot of beer', got a haircut at a London festival in 2013 that left him looking like 'an egg that's grown some cress out of the top'. The stylist sprayed his hair with gold glitter, and a friend laughed, 'You look like an egg that's grown some cress out of the top.'
Beard Experiments and Family Haircuts
Joel Snape, forced to shave his head in his early 20s, experimented with an extended goatee that made him look like a 'stage magician' or 'futuristic pirate'. He got rid of it the morning after a press event in 2003, and now sports a full beard, advising others, 'keep the faith, it will improve, as long as you can grow a proper beard.'
Daniel Lavelle's mother gave him 'sneaky salad-bowl trims' while he played Super Mario Bros, but his worst styles came in his teens, including curtains, a baby mohawk, and shaved-in patterns. He concludes, 'Sadly, the only statement my hair makes now is that it's had enough and doesn't want to stick around.'
