How J.K. Rowling's Transgender Stance Destroyed My Most Cherished Relationship
J.K. Rowling effectively terminated my relationship with my cousin. Or, to be more precise, transphobia did. In today's climate, the two feel virtually synonymous to me.
The Meme That Started It All
It all began with a meme back in 2019. The collage criticized transgender individuals who had sent hostile tweets to Rowling after she supported Maya Forstater. Forstater was a researcher who won an employment tribunal after her contract wasn't renewed following 'gender critical' tweets.
The meme displayed tweets from trans people, including one that stated, 'J.K Rowling can suck on my big fat trans d*ck.' When this post appeared on my Facebook feed, shared by my cousin Radhika* without any caption or context, it made me physically ill.
By defending J.K. Rowling, my cousin had essentially outed herself as a transphobe in my eyes. After years of hearing subtle hints of homophobia from her, this display of anti-LGBTQ+ prejudice didn't surprise me.
The Confrontation and Silence
'You haven't called out the transphobic comments Rowling has made,' I replied on Facebook, referencing statements like Rowling tweeting that 'trans girls aren't real girls.' I challenged my cousin for what I perceived as endorsing that sentiment, and her silence seemed to confirm my suspicions.
Her own post attracted transphobic comments, which she 'liked.' This was particularly painful timing, as my trans sister-in-law had just come out. Radhika knew how much I loved my sister-in-law, so her post felt like a cowardly way of expressing her views about her journey, especially since they were Facebook friends.
Before this incident, while she hadn't shown overt signs of transphobia, Radhika frequently used 'gay' as an insult, which felt dehumanizing. She ignored my comments about how prejudiced her generalizations about trans people were and refused to acknowledge them as problematic.
A Childhood Bond Turned Sour
Growing up, Radhika was like my cool older sister. I became an avid reader because she always had her face buried in a book, which is how I became a die-hard Potterhead. Then tragedy struck: my mother married an abusive man, and we moved from Mauritius to London.
I became a shell of my former self—no longer outgoing or confident, but withdrawn and hypervigilant. My cousin became my safe space. We spoke on the phone as often as possible, and those conversations felt like the only times I could be myself again.
I was a massive Harry Potter fan before moving to London, but in what became an abusive home, the books were my only refuge—a brief escape from the horrors I endured. When Harry Potter became a banned topic in what I was supposed to call home (my mother's husband couldn't stand anything that made me happy), I knew there was someone on the other side of the world I could still share that joy and magic with.
My relationship with my cousin and Potter were vital to my survival. But as I grew older, I began noticing early signs that Radhika and I didn't share the same values.
Early Warning Signs
As a teenager, she converted to Christianity, and her fundamentalist approach clearly demonized certain groups. I once saw she'd liked a homophobic Facebook post shared by one of her Christian friends. I wish I'd confronted it then, but I wasn't ready to accept that she could be hateful.
Over the years, I watched Radhika treat people in appalling ways, myself included. Simultaneously, I observed the beginnings of J.K. Rowling's views on trans people shifting, and not for the better.
Rowling's Evolving Stance
In 2018, Rowling liked a tweet that described trans women as 'men in dresses' and later claimed it was an accident. Like with my cousin, it took time for me to see Rowling for who she was, but when I did, I lost all the respect I once had for both of them.
I felt uneasy as Rowling's early signs of apparent transphobia grew more pronounced. Her language became more hateful and less tolerant, culminating in an essay on her website expressing concerns about 'the new trans activism.'
By 2022, she was funding legal defenses for people who lost work due to their gender critical beliefs. Since her foray into that ideology, many Potter stars like Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Eddie Redmayne had spoken out against her.
The Final Break
In the end, walking away from Radhika was a relief. I told her I was ending contact because of her transphobia and then blocked her. It's been five years since I cut off my cousin, and I've had no second thoughts.
We crossed paths at a family event last year but exchanged no more than a polite greeting. Ideally, we wouldn't be in the same room at all.
Separating Art from Artist
Potter, meanwhile, is harder to cut off completely. My relationship with The Boy Who Lived was deeply personal, as we both grew up in abusive households. But J.K. Rowling's vitriol against trans people has forced me to take several steps back.
I no longer spend money on the Harry Potter franchise. I won't return to the Warner Brothers' studio or see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child on stage again. My son will inherit my old copies of the books instead of me buying him new ones.
Moving Forward
As for my relationship with my cousin, I'll always have a sister-shaped hole in my life. But it's the girl I knew as a child that I mourn, not the vindictive, transphobic adult she became. If it weren't for J.K. Rowling, I might never have seen her true colors.
*Name has been changed
