Coming out as asexual and facing backlash
In 2014, after being catcalled repeatedly, a woman posted on X: 'Please don't hit on me – I'm asexual.' Soon after, an old coworker messaged her: 'You should really see a doctor, a low libido at your age isn't normal.' The woman, now 33, recalls that she knew sharing her sexuality would invite opinions. At 21, she was certain she had virtually no interest in sex.
She identifies as asexual, a sexual orientation characterized by little to no sexual attraction to others. It is a broad spectrum, and contrary to popular belief, many asexuals do have sex occasionally. 'No matter how often I do, I'm still asexual, and I still have an exceptionally fulfilling marriage,' she says.
Early relationships and discovering asexuality
Growing up, she felt different. Sex seemed like a biological necessity, not a personal interest. By age 21, she had slept with two people. One serious partner turned out to be a sex addict, initiating sex three times a day. 'It was utterly exhausting and felt like a job,' she says. But at 20, she feared being alone and never spoke up.
Six months into that relationship, a friend introduced her to the term 'asexual.' She confided in her roommate, hoping for support, but he called her 'selfish' and said, 'What about your boyfriend?' That reaction drove her back into the closet. She later learned her boyfriend had cheated on her with someone who claimed to love him. He ended things when she refused to open the relationship.
Finding love and building a family
Twelve years later, she has made revelations about her sexuality and gender. She met her husband in a hobby group; they bonded over movies and became best friends. When she told him she was asexual, he didn't mind. 'He said he wanted to be with me even if sex was not a factor,' she recalls. Intimacy for them includes cuddling, spending time together, and non-sexual touching.
They do have sex occasionally, which she describes as 'relationship maintenance.' Her husband isn't very sex-motivated, so it suits both. Five years into marriage, they have a two-year-old child. People often ask if she used IVF; she clarifies that sexual intercourse is still the easiest way to conceive, and she was ready to be a mother.
Coming out as non-binary
In 2025, she came out as non-binary. Her husband's reaction: 'It didn't matter to him – I'm still the same person I always was.' She realized her non-binary identity after becoming a mother, though she had felt since her teenage years that she didn't fit societal definitions of womanhood. 'I don't subscribe to any of the hallmarks of femininity,' she says.
Now, she is happy with who she is and grateful for a fulfilling family life. 'Whatever works best for your relationship is what matters,' she advises. 'The only people in my relationship are myself and my partner – we support each other, and we are all exactly who we are meant to be.'
