Guardian columnist Tim Dowling has detailed a bizarre and bewildering encounter with a potential phone scammer that descended into farce, highlighting the confusing blend of fraud and sheer incompetence that often characterises such calls.
A Suspicious Call Takes a Comic Turn
Dowling, who typically avoids unknown numbers, answered his phone hoping it was a source returning his call. Instead, he was met by a male voice from what sounded like a busy call centre. The caller immediately launched into urgent questions about an unspecified account.
When Dowling repeatedly asked "What account?" and "With who?", the scammer's facade began to crumble. After a moment's pause, the journalist was certain he heard a giggle. The caller, now openly laughing, referenced a non-existent colleague named Tony before becoming too hysterical to continue, leaving only the sound of stifled snorts. A bemused Dowling hung up.
The Blurred Line Between Fraud and Ineptitude
Sharing the story with his eldest son only elicited more laughter, leading Dowling to muse that the caller might have been a novice scammer who forgot his script and simply couldn't recover. "It's the lack of professionalism I find galling," Dowling remarked. "Even the people trying to con me out of my savings can't be bothered to take it seriously."
He reflected on how hard it has become to distinguish between malicious intent and simple bungling, citing a previous incident where he received a delivery notification text featuring a photo of a stranger named Dave on an unfamiliar doorstep. The package arrived separately later that day, leaving him permanently confused about the mix-up.
The Return of Ron, the Fictional PA
This modern confusion prompted Dowling to recall his old defence against cold callers: a invented, charmless personal assistant named Ron. Ron was monosyllabic and utterly unhelpful, a persona that, in many ways, felt like his "truest self."
The memory of Ron proved useful moments later when another unknown number called. Adopting Ron's unfortunate manner, Dowling answered gruffly, only to realise this was the genuine interview subject he had been awaiting. He swiftly switched to a bright and professional tone, the episode serving as a stark reminder of the chaotic communication landscape where legitimate calls and potential scams are increasingly difficult to tell apart.
