Starting a new office job often involves a tour with your manager, Wayne, who introduces you to Billy in accounts and Moira in marketing. Then comes the clap on the back and the dreaded line: 'We're like family here.' For many, this triggers alarm bells.
The Toxic Reality Behind the Phrase
Employers likening the workplace to a family is common but problematic. A Careerminds UK study analyzed grievances from disgruntled workers and found this was the number one warning sign for a toxic workplace. The phrase 'we're like a family' appeared in almost every Reddit thread reviewed.
Leadership and workplace coach Emma Georgiou PhD describes her visceral reaction: 'Every time I hear this phrase used sincerely, I feel like I'm going to throw up.' She notes that many businesses, especially smaller ones and high-pressure cultures, use this trick to build loyalty. 'Most leaders start with good intentions, but unhealthy dynamics take root as the business grows. New people sense something is wrong but don't feel they can speak up. It ends up being used to justify overwork, guilt, and tolerance of toxic behavior.'
Jim Moore, employee relations expert at HR consultants Hamilton Nash, agrees. With nearly half of UK workers employed by small businesses, many are close-knit with founding family origins. However, he stresses this doesn't excuse the manipulation. 'Comparing colleagues with family members is highly manipulative, mainly used to excuse behaviors found only in dysfunctional and abusive families. It implies workers should sacrifice their well-being for the group, making them feel they're letting loved ones down if they leave at 5 p.m. or refuse extra hours.'
How Big Is This Red Flag?
For Emma, the family phrase isn't automatically a red flag but warrants caution. 'Warning signs are clear: if people feel guilty for having boundaries, speaking up, or leaving, the culture uses emotional pressure as a tool.' Jim adds that just because full-time workers spend as much time at work as at home doesn't mean they value colleagues like family. 'Trying to gaslight workers into seeing colleagues as family is jarring and creepy. Nobody really believes it.'
What to Do If Your Boss Says This
If your boss frequently uses the 'family' analogy, HR expert Jim says you have every right to question it. 'Ask why they think there is any equivalence, or gently point out that real family members don't have contracts governing the relationship.' If you're considering quitting, Emma believes it's not a quittable offense alone. 'Pay attention. Trust your own response. If a workplace repeatedly makes you feel drained, anxious, or emotionally obligated, don't ignore that signal. A healthy workplace creates connection without bullying you into cult-like emotional dependence.'
