A common email apology phrase that professionals use to soften communication may actually be causing resentment among colleagues, according to experts. Software company ZeroBounce analyzed over 1.6 million real emails to identify the most frequently used phrases for apologizing and softening communication. Topping the list was 'friendly reminder.'
Why 'Friendly Reminder' Backfires
While the phrase seems harmless and is universally used, it may be rubbing colleagues the wrong way. Strategic communications advisor Natalie Sutton explained: 'Professionals use it because they're trying to be polite while also being direct, but it achieves neither. It signals urgency while pretending not to, which is confusing and faintly irritating to the reader.'
Liz Sebag-Montefiore, a CEO and HR expert, noted that the phrase has become so overused that 'people often focus more on the implied criticism than the actual message.' She added: 'The problem is that “friendly reminder” often isn't perceived as friendly at all. In many cases, the recipient hears, “I'm chasing you again” or “you've failed to do something,” which can trigger defensiveness rather than cooperation.'
Strong Opinions on Reddit
On Reddit, users expressed strong feelings. Summerisle7 called it 'passive-aggressive,' while Sinlightion described it as 'incredibly condescending' and recommended stating things politely without the 'cloying set-up.' SunshineGirl45 said it sounds like 'chastising a child' and makes them angry. Maleficent-Talk6831 noted that the phrase can feel like grandstanding or passive aggression, leading to an unwinnable situation where the recipient feels triggered regardless.
Group 'friendly' reminders particularly irritated professionals, as they felt called out in front of others. One person quipped: 'Nothing worse than seeing a work email with a “friendly reminder” addressed to the whole team and you know you're the reason for the email.'
However, some defended the phrase. Plenkr explained they use it as 'a preemptive to avoid conflict' due to being autistic, to clarify intention and mood in tricky online conversations.
Better Alternatives
Instead of 'friendly reminder,' experts recommend being more direct. Natalie Sutton suggested phrases like 'Could you confirm by Friday?' or 'Wanted to make sure this didn't get buried,' which are specific, respectful of the other person's time, and lack the schoolteacher tone.
Petra Wilton, director of policy and external affairs at the Chartered Management Institute, recommended: 'Just checking in on this' or 'When you have a moment, could you update me?'
Overall, experts lean towards clear and concise communication, refraining from terms that can come across as patronizing.
