As Donald Trump celebrates his 80th birthday this weekend, a diverse array of voices from around the world have offered their messages to the former and current president. From climate activists to journalists, authors to comedians, the responses range from sardonic praise to sharp criticism.
Cory Doctorow: A Post-American World
Journalist and internet activist Cory Doctorow addressed Trump as "Comrade Trump," thanking him for inadvertently accelerating the decline of American global dominance. He credited Trump with inspiring de-dollarisation, reducing oil dependence, and pushing Europe to develop independent digital infrastructure. "You are, at long last, ushering in the post-American world, and a grateful planet salutes you!" Doctorow wrote.
Piers Morgan: Resilience Personified
Broadcaster Piers Morgan, a longtime acquaintance of Trump, focused on the president's resilience. Morgan noted Trump's survival of an assassination attempt, two impeachments, and multiple legal battles. "Nobody can deny you have the resilient skin of a thousand rhinos," Morgan said, highlighting Trump's ability to bounce back from adversity.
Jennifer Egan: An Optimist's Hope
Pulitzer Prize-winning author Jennifer Egan offered a biting critique, listing Trump's accomplishments: nullifying democratic safeguards, fostering corruption, and eroding women's rights. Yet she expressed optimism that his tenure exposed weaknesses in American governance. "One thing is certain: you've more than earned an early retirement," she wrote.
Greta Thunberg: Alphabet Soup for Clarity
Climate activist Greta Thunberg, once mocked by Trump, offered a sarcastic gift: a can of alphabet soup. "The sentences you poop out will be more coherent than anything you have ever said," she wrote, suggesting it would help him participate in meaningful public discourse.
Ai Weiwei: Life as a Precious Common Value
Chinese artist and activist Ai Weiwei reminded Trump that life is the most precious common value. "Anyone who regards it as a tradable commodity is harming the advancement of human civilisation and will be remembered only to be despised," he stated.
Jon Sopel: A Tax-Free Birthday
Journalist Jon Sopel humorously noted that Trump already seems to have everything, including a reported immunity from tax audits. He quipped about the president's lawsuits and family wealth, asking, "It is legitimate, isn't it?"
Siri Hustvedt: The Fantasy Body of Fascism
Novelist Siri Hustvedt contrasted Trump's aging real body with the "spectacular body of fascism" projected by his supporters. She argued that ignoring death and dependence leads to amoral behavior, pointing to policies that have caused suffering. "Time is inexorable, and your fantasy body is beginning to crack," she wrote.
Jonathan Freedland: Resisting Temptation
Guardian columnist Jonathan Freedland acknowledged the temptation to mock Trump but chose to offer a conventional happy birthday instead. He criticized Trump's erosion of social standards and his insults toward the deceased, but argued for maintaining decency in response.
Bill McKibben: A Green Trophy
Environmentalist Bill McKibben gave Trump a backhanded compliment, suggesting he deserves a "small gold trophy" as electric vehicle salesman of the quarter, despite his unnecessary wars that promoted renewable energy.
Anthony Scaramucci: A Faustian Warning
Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci offered a poetic message from "Mephistopheles," warning Trump that he sold his soul for power and money. "You left a trail behind you, and it leads to the ninth circle," he wrote.
Dom Joly: A Comedian's Grudge
British comedian Dom Joly, once blocked by Trump on Twitter, called him a "narcissistic, lying fraud" who only cares about himself. "Enjoy your birthday while the world burns," he added.
Afua Hirsch: The Anti-Elder
Writer Afua Hirsch contrasted Trump with the ideal of an elder who plants trees for future generations. Instead, she said, Trump has "chopped down trees" and set the village on fire, but serves as a cautionary tale. "Your legacy must never be repeated," she concluded.
Edel Rodriguez: Artistic Satire
Cuban artist Edel Rodriguez, known for satirical anti-Trump magazine covers, contributed a visual message.
Sidney Blumenthal: Swedish Death Cleaning
Former Clinton adviser Sidney Blumenthal advised Trump to practice Swedish death cleaning—organizing his files to prepare for future subpoenas. He warned of Democratic control of Congress and the need to avoid a cover-up.
Oliver Bullough: Crypto and National Influence
Investigative journalist Oliver Bullough noted that Trump made millions from cryptocurrencies, but warned that privatized money ends US dominance over global finance. "Is selling a key source of national influence for personal profit really going to Make America Great Again?" he asked.
Peter Frankopan: Gems for Historians
Oxford historian Peter Frankopan thanked Trump for providing rich material for historians, from his Truth Social posts to his diplomatic gaffes. He particularly enjoyed Trump's critique of Pope Leo X as "weak on crime."
Arwa Mahdawi: Mass Immiseration
Guardian columnist Arwa Mahdawi contrasted Trump's privilege with the suffering in Gaza and the effects of USAID cuts. She noted that life expectancy in Gaza has plummeted, and predicted Trump's legacy would be "mass immiseration and death."
Jason Stanley: A Fascist Legacy
Professor Jason Stanley argued that Trump has shut the door on multiracial democracy and entrenched billionaire power. He suggested Trump's face belongs on Mount Rushmore as a reminder of what America can be.
Mick Lynch: A Poetic Wish
Trade unionist Mick Lynch offered a short poem: "Hair is wispy, Skin's gone crispy, Now you're 80, Don't be so hatey."
