Won't anyone think of the poor, poor billionaires? Their endless money can buy them political power, but it can't buy them love. Instead of being worshipped by the hoi polloi, titans of industry are denounced, despised, and disrespected.
Billionaire Grievances
Steve Roth, CEO of Vornado Realty Trust, bravely brought attention to the plight of his fellow billionaires during a recent earnings call. 'I consider the phrase 'tax the rich' … spit out with anger and contempt by politicians … to be just as hateful as some disgusting racial slurs,' he said. One of the politicians Roth referenced, New York mayor Zohran Mamdani, has himself been subject to 'disgusting racial slurs' including being called a 'known jihadist terrorist' by fellow politician Vickie Paladino. While Roth did not comment on those attacks, he criticized the mayor for filming a video announcing a tax on second homes worth over $5 million in front of fellow billionaire Ken Griffin's penthouse, calling it 'irresponsible.'
The Reality of Billionaire Wealth
Despite such grievances, things have never been better for billionaires. Their wealth jumped by more than 16% in 2025, three times faster than the previous five-year average, according to an Oxfam report. Since 2020, billionaire wealth has increased by 81%, while one in four people don't regularly have enough to eat. Additionally, billionaires own more than half the world's largest media companies and all major social media platforms, which may explain why they still have prominent fanboys like Wall Street Journal columnist Kyle Smith, who lamented how billionaires are 'denounced, despised and disrespected' and called for statues of them in public squares.
With the Trump administration aggressively meddling in education, billionaire life stories may soon be taught to US schoolchildren. Instead of learning about slavery and the racial wealth gap, children might hear the heartwarming story of how Mark Zuckerberg built a trillion-dollar company accused of facilitating genocide.
What can be done to soothe the frayed nerves of our poor oligarchs? Perhaps we can set up a hotline where they can hear reassuring affirmations whenever they feel sad, or crowdfund them a reality check.
