Stewart lampoons 'Mountain Dew green' reflecting pool
On Monday night's episode of The Daily Show, Jon Stewart turned his attention to the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool in Washington DC, which had turned an alarming shade of green after a botched paint job. The host joked that the Trump administration was trying to solve a 'problematic waterway in a dangerous part of the world.'
'This is really fucking green,' Stewart said. 'Did they replace the water with Mountain Dew?' He then linked the pool's color to the company hired to fix it, Greenwater Services, owned by Republican donor John J Cafaro. Stewart deadpanned: 'Quite perplexing. How did it get so green?'
Stewart sarcastically praised Greenwater Services, calling it 'a very reputable company that fairly won the reflecting pool contract because of their expertise and track record.' He noted Cafaro's 2001 conviction for bribing a member of Congress. 'The pool guy bribed the congressman and now he gets the pool contract? That tracks,' Stewart said, impersonating a gangster: 'What do I do? Let's just say I'm in the chlorine management business.'
Vance snubbed at peace talks
Stewart then reacted to a viral video of Vice President JD Vance being ignored by Qatari leaders during peace talks in Switzerland. 'Well, that is awkward,' Stewart said after playing the footage. 'JD Vance really answers the question, “What if a middle school dance were a person?”'
Stewart continued: 'Things just went from bad to wallflower with Vance getting more and more exasperated, as the mean girls just couldn't see that he has a lot to offer too.' He joked that Vance was 'just there to pick up the white flag, get it signed, hand out a couple of orange slices, call it a game.'
Stewart blasts Iran peace deal as surrender
The host then criticized the US peace deal with Iran, which includes a $300bn reconstruction fund, unfrozen assets, and permission for Iran to resume oil sales. 'So the “hard line, extremist regime” of Iran gets a nuclear stockpile, missiles and money?' Stewart asked. 'Iran is a circumcision away from becoming Israel.'
Vance had announced that Iran allowed IAEA inspectors back into the country, calling it 'a major milestone for the American people.' Stewart responded sarcastically: 'Oh yeah, that's a big milestone. We haven't had nuclear inspectors in Iran since, oh, when you started bombing them last year.' He noted that inspectors only entered after the JCPOA negotiated by Obama and left when the US attacked Iran.
Trump had called Obama's deal 'the worst deal ever negotiated of any kind.' Stewart quipped: 'I guess the theory is: why would you trade smaller concessions to Iran for peace, when we could instead lose a war with them and make bigger concessions? Well, I hope you learned your lesson, Iran. There's plenty more concessions where that came from!'
Vance argued that unfrozen Iranian assets would benefit the US as they would be spent on American soy, wheat and corn, calling it a 'classic Trump deal.' Stewart retorted: 'Oh it's a classic Trump deal. Announce a bold action with grandiose ambition, and then shit the bed and then state confidently that bed shit was the goal all along. And finally, name the bed after Trump.'
