Arwa Mahdawi, in a Guardian column, challenges the notion that heterosexuality is in crisis, particularly for women, arguing that the concept of 'heteropessimism' is largely a product of Extremely Online discourse rather than real-world sentiment.
What Is Heteropessimism?
The term, coined by scholar Asa Seresin in a 2019 essay for the New Inquiry, describes 'performative disaffiliations with heterosexuality … or hopelessness about straight experience.' It spawned thinkpieces and memes, including a Vogue article asking 'Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?' Zohran Mamdani responded, 'If you're worried that your boyfriend will embarrass you, you should probably get a new boyfriend.'
Signs of a 'Crisis'?
Recent articles have fueled the narrative. A New York Times piece, initially headlined 'Being Straight is Great, Actually,' was quickly changed to 'There's Nothing Wrong With Wanting Men.' Phoebe Maltz Bovy's book The Last Straight Woman argues straight women are 'on the decline,' citing a 2022 Gallup poll finding that 19.7% of Gen Z identifies as non-heterosexual. However, Mahdawi notes this shift largely reflects greater comfort in coming out.
Real-World vs. Online Realities
Mahdawi emphasizes the gap between online discourse and everyday life. 'Go on certain corners of the internet and people would have you believe nobody is allowed to say the word “woman” any more,' she writes, but 'none of that is true.' She argues that analyzing gender relations through misogyny and capitalism is more useful than heteropessimism.
According to Mahdawi, 'The only people actually agonising about heteropessimism were a small section of Extremely Online writers and PhD students.' She concludes that despite the drama, heterosexuality remains strong: 'Somehow I think heterosexuality will live to see another day.'
