When André Robinson Jr was shot and killed in Oakland, California, on November 8, 2020, his family was upended. The 19-year-old was dropping off breakfast at his girlfriend's home when he was killed. In the nearly six years since, grief and angst have pulled his four surviving siblings apart.
The glue that held them together
André Jr, whom the family calls 'Lil Dre', was the peacemaker and the glue that kept the siblings together. 'He was one of my closest friends,' said RoShanda Robinson, the oldest child. 'It was never a dull moment with him. He always had a smile on his face.' His younger brother JaDen, who was 12 at the time of the killing, recalled talking to him the night before. 'I'm going to come pick you up,' André Jr had said. Instead, JaDen's mother came in screaming that his brother was dead.
After the killing, JaDen became withdrawn. 'I was pushed away,' he said. RoShanda began self-medicating with alcohol, leading to two drunk driving incidents. Middle sister De'Andraney, who considered André Jr her best friend, went four months without talking to her mother after a dispute over who was responsible for the killing. She remains mostly estranged from her parents, though she talks to JaDen daily.
Violent loss and family dynamics
The US has nearly 23,700 homicides on average each year, affecting hundreds of thousands of families. According to Tinisch Hollins, executive director of Californians for Safety and Justice (CSJ), siblings often feel forgotten amid the intense grief of parents and the bureaucracy of dealing with police and funerals. 'For a lot of siblings, we're forced to negotiate how we carry our grief while we also manage everyone else's feelings,' she said.
Chevist Johnson, a violence prevention professional at UC Davis medical center, noted that siblings may have to step into parental roles or perpetuate the cycle of violence. 'If a sibling is left to their own devices, or if they're being fed negativity, then that's what they're going to latch on to,' he said. Brielle Savage, a doctoral fellow at the New Jersey gun violence research center, added that the cost of healing a grieving child is far less than incarcerating that child for unaddressed grief.
Moving forward
Despite the pain, the Robinson family finds hope in new generations. JaDen's son was born last year, and RoShanda's daughter Brooklyn brings joy to the household. LaTanya Robinson, the mother, said the babies give her strength to keep going. 'I'm never going to get my son back, but I still try to live because I'm thankful to have my two new grandbabies,' she said. She hopes her children can mend their relationships: 'Why are we not loving each other? We just lost somebody.'
