Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, and Seth Meyers took aim at the Trump administration this week, covering the ongoing war in Iran, rising gas prices, and a bizarre meeting between Marco Rubio and the pope.
Stephen Colbert on The Late Show
Colbert noted it was day 69 of the war with Iran, despite Trump's 'one-page peace offer.' He highlighted that Republicans hope for a deal before the midterms as over 80% of Americans struggle with gas prices. 'The other two Americans couldn't talk right now because they were busy sucking gas out of their neighbour's Subaru,' he joked.
The war's impact on supply chains prompted a warning from McDonald's CEO. 'Perhaps this will finally show Trump the true cost of war,' Colbert said, adding that without peace, he 'could lose his 10-piece.' He also mocked Trump economic adviser Kevin Hassett's claim that credit card spending is soaring, noting that 'bottle collection has become very popular' and the job of 'bus station gigolo' is in demand.
Colbert laughed at Trump calling the war a 'skirmish,' saying, 'My uncle never came home from the Korean hullaballoo.' He also discussed Marco Rubio's meeting with the pope, where Rubio gave a pen made from olive wood and received a crystal football. 'I smell regift!' Colbert said.
On the FBI leak investigation into Kash Patel's alleged drinking problem, Colbert joked that after a few beers, Patel says, 'Yo, I gotta go take a criminal leak.' He added that the original journalist published a follow-up about Patel's personalized bourbon stash: 'She done doubled down!'
Jimmy Kimmel on Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Kimmel focused on Rubio's Vatican meeting to 'patch up the off-again/off-again relationship' between Trump and the pope. He quipped that Trump couldn't go himself because when he enters a church, 'all the holy water starts to boil.' He also joked that the 'pope mistook little Marco for a child and baptised him.'
On the Iran war, Kimmel noted Iran fired on American warships, which Trump called 'a love tap.' Trump posted a chart showing the Iran war is shorter than other conflicts. 'I bet that's not the only chart that shows his is the shortest,' Kimmel said.
Kimmel also mentioned the new Atlantic story about Patel handing out personalized whiskey bottles. He described them as 'short and filled with alcohol just like Kash himself.' He reminded viewers of the 'Trump-Epstein files' and suggested the Iran war was 'cooked up to knock that out of the headlines.'
Lara Trump praised her father-in-law and tried to shift focus to UFOs. Kimmel responded, 'Kiss his ass all you want, Lara, he's still gonna call you Laura at Thanksgiving dinner.'
Seth Meyers on Late Night
Meyers said Trump was too busy 'bragging about acing a dementia test' to address rising gas prices. Despite having the 'posture of the Michelin man,' Trump pushes physical and mental health. Meyers noted Trump bragged about taking the cognitive test three times, saying no other president had taken it. 'Because no one else has had to!' Meyers said.
He found it 'pretty alarming' that Trump needed the test so often, yet his health secretary, RFK Jr., made it harder for people to get antidepressants. Meyers joked that RFK Jr. 'probably just wants people to take cognitive tests to prove their sanity like Trump.' He played footage of Trump listing wild animals from the test, which 'sounds like the menu at his favourite restaurant,' referencing RFK Jr.'s odd animal comments.
Meyers also covered Trump's reintroduction of the presidential fitness test to schoolchildren, which included his much-ridiculed YMCA dance. 'That dance is the closest Trump has ever come to working out,' he said.
