When it comes to spicing up your sex life, couples often explore new positions, toys, or kinks. Yet, many are unknowingly stuck in a rut, following an unspoken script that could be draining the passion from their relationship.
What Is The 'Escalator' Theory?
Sex and intimacy coach Hannah Johnson, known online as 'The Libido Fairy', has identified this common pattern, calling it 'the escalator'. Speaking to Metro in January 2026, the 33-year-old expert explained that this theory describes intimacy moving in a strict, linear progression.
"You start at the bottom of the escalator and feel like you’re supposed to ride it all the way to the top every time," Johnson says. This journey typically begins with kissing, moves to touching, then oral sex and penetration, and finally ends with an orgasm.
This sequence feels efficient and familiar, often reinforced by portrayals of sex in films and pornography. There's a pervasive, unspoken belief that penetration is the main event and that reaching climax is the ultimate goal.
The Impact on Desire and Pleasure
The problem arises when this becomes the default pattern. Hannah Johnson warns that 'riding the escalator' prioritises completing a script over genuine connection and creativity, which can severely impact desire.
"It’s typically more problematic for women than men for several reasons," she states. Female desire is often responsive and contextual, influenced by safety, novelty, and pleasure. When sex becomes predictable and rushed, desire naturally drops.
Research consistently shows that around 70 to 75% of women do not orgasm from penetration alone. Most require clitoral stimulation and a gradual build-up. The escalator script often removes the very activities that support women’s arousal, such as extended foreplay.
Johnson has worked with many couples where sex started to feel like a chore. Female clients confessed to faking orgasms due to pressure to 'finish', while partners stopped communicating needs to avoid 'killing the mood'. This can breed resentment if one person's pleasure is consistently prioritised.
Getting Off The Escalator: Play 'Pinball' Instead
The solution, according to Johnson, is to shift from goal-oriented sex to pleasure-oriented intimacy. The key is to let go of the idea that every encounter must include penetration and to start valuing arousal itself.
She advises couples to 'play pinball' instead of riding the escalator. This means bouncing between different forms of intimacy based on what feels good in the moment—like switching between making out, massage, using toys, or simply cuddling.
There is no hierarchy or finish line; everything is optional. Her top tip is to create a 'sex menu' of things to try together. "Pinball naturally decentres penetration and puts pleasure back at the centre," Johnson explains. "It reduces pressure and keeps you in the moment."
By breaking the predictable script, couples can rediscover fun and build a more vibrant, satisfying sex life rooted in mutual pleasure rather than routine.
