It has been ten years since the word 'ghosting' entered common parlance, defining the act of abruptly cutting off all contact with a romantic interest. What once seemed a peak of digital-age rudeness now feels almost quaint. For Generation Z, navigating a landscape shaped by a loneliness epidemic, shifting gender dynamics, and social media, the quest for connection has grown infinitely more complex. In response, they have developed a sprawling, often surreal vocabulary to describe every nuance of contemporary love, sex, and romantic misconduct.
From Authenticity to Z: The A-Z of Modern Romance
This new glossary moves far beyond simple ghosting. It includes concepts like 'bird theory'—a TikTok trend where you test a partner's interest by mentioning something trivial, like spotting a bird. A dismissive response is considered a doomed sign. There's also 'chair theory', which means choosing a partner who supports you instinctively, much like someone pulling up a chair without being asked.
Financial realities colour terms like 'choremance', a date centred on running errands together, a budget-friendly alternative for cash-strapped twenty-somethings. Archetypes have evolved too: the early-2000s 'manic pixie dream girl' is replaced by the 'black cat girlfriend'—mysterious, independent, and self-prioritising. Her counterpart is the 'golden retriever boyfriend', known for his friendly, loyal, and eager-to-please nature.
Flags, Fatalism, and Faking It
The familiar system of red flags has expanded. Now, daters also watch for 'green flags' (positive signs like owning a bed frame) and 'beige flags' (quirky, mostly harmless traits like being an avid birdwatcher). A pervasive sense of 'heterofatalism' describes many women's growing pessimism towards heterosexual relationships, a sentiment perhaps fuelled by online archetypes like the 'high-value woman' promoted in some male-centric spaces.
Deception takes new forms. 'Kittenfishing' involves mild misrepresentation on dating apps, such as using flattering older photos. More seriously, 'wokefishing' describes presenting as politically progressive to attract matches while holding conservative views. The aftermath of failed connections has its own terms: 'orbiting' is when an ex ghosts but continues to watch your social media, occasionally 'liking' old posts.
New Tests, Old Problems
Viral 'tests' purport to reveal a partner's worth. Beyond 'bird theory', there's the 'orange peel theory', where you ask for an orange; a partner who peels it first is deemed caring. Commitment styles are dissected, from 'turbo dating' (deciding if it's serious by the third date) to 'wildflowering' (dating without rules or labels).
Bad behaviour is meticulously categorised. 'Microcheating' sits in a grey area, while 'monkey branching' is lining up a new partner before ending the current relationship. 'Shrekking' means dating someone deemed less attractive in the hope they will be more loyal—a strategy the lexicon suggests often backfires.
This extensive vocabulary, from 'ick' lists (random turn-offs) to 'emotional vibe coding' (prioritising open communication), highlights how Gen Z is grappling with intimacy in a digital, often disjointed world. It serves as both a coping mechanism and a detailed map of a generation's romantic hopes, fears, and frustrations.
