A Week in the Life of a 29-Year-Old Asexual Writer: Embracing a Sex-Free Existence
Welcome to How I Do It, a series offering a seven-day glimpse into the intimate lives of individuals. This week, we feature Malvika Padin, a 29-year-old panromantic asexual writer who leads a life completely devoid of sexual activity. "I'm completely averse to sex," she reveals to Metro. "I've never felt comfortable with or yearned for sexual intimacy, and I'm content living a sex-free life." While Malvika identifies on the asexuality spectrum, she experiences romantic attraction across all genders, yet lacks sexual attraction to anyone. She emphasizes, "I'd like my sex life to remain non-existent, but I hope to be accepted by a romantic partner for who I am." Here's a detailed account of her week, offering insight into her unique perspective.
Monday: Reflections on Past Relationships
Malvika begins her week with research and writing, followed by quality time with her beloved pet dog. As with every Monday, she confirms that sex is not on her agenda, a reality she expects to continue indefinitely. In a reminiscent mood, she reflects on her past relationships. As a panromantic asexual, she has been in three relationships but never engaged in sex with any partner. She was upfront about her sex aversion from the start, yet each partner initially seemed accepting before expressing shock that her stance wasn't a temporary phase. "It's exhausting to explain something so personal, only to realize later they didn't truly understand," she shares. While trust might eventually make her more comfortable with the idea of sex, it would require far more time than most anticipate. Ultimately, she asserts, "I simply don't want sex, and I could never engage in it just to placate someone, no matter how much I love them."
Tuesday: The Search for Connection
Feeling lonely, Malvika scrolls through dating apps, often searching for "dating apps for asexuals" in hopes of finding compatible companionship. While she hasn't found love through these platforms, she has made a few friends who accept her without questioning her sexual preferences. "It turns out there aren't many people who want a relationship without sex," she notes, highlighting the loneliness that can accompany being sex-averse while craving romantic connections. Despite the challenges, she continues to seek someone who truly understands her.
Wednesday: Media and Intimacy
With a busy day of errands and professional events, sex remains absent from Malvika's plans. In the evening, she unwinds by watching the final episode of a Thai Boys Love (BL) show, a genre focused on romantic and erotic relationships between men. While some sex-averse individuals avoid media portrayals of sex, Malvika doesn't mind—she even enjoys watching intimate scenes if they are tastefully done. "Often, I think these scenes look beautiful on screen," she admits, "but the moment I imagine myself in that situation, I physically cringe."
Thursday: Navigating the Queer Community
During a coffee date with a queer friend, the conversation turns to dating differently. Despite her panromantic identity, Malvika has only had serious relationships with men or male-identifying individuals. Inspired by the previous day's BL show and the discussion, she considers exploring other avenues, as she is equally attracted to female-identifying and gender-fluid people. However, she often feels out of place even within the queer community due to her asexuality. "The drastic range of preferences can be overwhelming," she explains, recounting experiences where potential partners either demanded sex or had incompatible orientations.
Friday: Valentine's Day and Unspoken Feelings
With Valentine's Day approaching, Malvika is inundated with writing themed content, which brings love to the forefront of her mind. She reveals having one-sided feelings for someone she met through work but hesitates to pursue it due to past relationship burns. "Being asexual means having difficult conversations early on," she says, "and telling someone you probably won't ever want sex isn't exactly light-hearted small talk." She fears that the honeymoon phase of a relationship would be overshadowed by the need to be upfront, and worries about misleading partners who might hope for sex in the future.
Saturday: Facing Invasive Questions
Enjoying a lazy morning with her dog, Malvika contemplates dating but is held back by fears of negative reactions. She recalls invasive questions from past encounters, such as whether her asexuality is trauma-induced or if she engages in self-pleasure. "One person even accused me of lying to avoid a relationship," she shares. While she approaches such curiosities with an open mind to educate others, she finds it exhausting. "It shouldn't be my responsibility to educate people when all I want is to exist comfortably in my sexuality."
Sunday: Acceptance and Hope
As the week ends, Malvika reflects on the challenges of desiring love without sex. "I'm almost 30 and a virgin by choice," she states, "but I don't feel left out or behind in life." She chuckles at the irony of being open to loving all genders yet struggling to find acceptance. Despite this, she remains hopeful, vowing to continue her search for a partner who recognizes and respects her capacity for deep, loyal love without sexual expectations.
