Seven Surprising Signs Your Marriage Is Heading for Divorce
When a relationship is in trouble, the warning signs aren't always obvious. From never arguing to knowing exactly what your partner thinks, experts reveal subtle indicators that your marriage might be heading for divorce and provide actionable steps to get the spark back.
You Stop Arguing Completely
You might think that a lack of arguments signifies perfect harmony, but experts warn it's often a red flag. Simone Bose, a relationship therapist at Relate, explains that stopping disagreements points to emotional withdrawal. Couples may protect themselves from disappointment or conflict, leading to emotional numbness. Dr Orna Guralnik, a clinical psychologist, adds that some people don't argue because they've given up, resulting in a cold, detached resignation. Oona Metz, a psychotherapist and author, notes that unresolved issues swept under the rug can lead to an unhappy marriage or divorce. To remedy this, Bose suggests gently addressing the emotional distance by expressing feelings of drifting apart to open possibilities for re-engagement.
You Stop Trying to Change Your Partner
While trying to change a spouse can indicate dissatisfaction, stopping these attempts is an even bigger warning light. Dr Lee Baucom, a therapist, explains that it signals distancing, as partners haven't seen lasting change and pull away from the relationship. Look out for a "why bother" mindset and address it promptly. Marriage should involve working together to face issues as a couple, not changing one another.
You Don't Say 'Thank You' Anymore
Forgetting to thank your partner for small gestures, like making tea or cooking dinner, is a bad sign. Guralnik emphasizes that losing gratitude means losing contact with what's good in the relationship. Eli Weinstein, a therapist, compares gratitude to the lubricant of partnership, reducing friction and preventing feelings of invisibility. In co-parenting contexts, fading appreciation breeds resentment, eroding teamwork. Weinstein advises reconnecting by acknowledging small wins and expressing thanks for both chores and mental loads.
You Know Exactly What the Other Person Is Thinking
Complacency in a relationship can be dangerous. Baucom warns that losing curiosity about a spouse's inner world is a red flag, leading to logistical discussions instead of dreaming together. Guralnik describes this as assuming you know your partner's thoughts instantly, which stifles growth. Bose adds that stopping check-ins freezes partners in old versions, eroding intimacy. To counter this, Guralnik recommends focusing attention on your partner and fostering curiosity.
One of You Goes to Bed Early Every Night
While factors like shift work or illness are exceptions, consistently going to bed early due to exhaustion from co-parenting can harm your relationship. Weinstein notes that when both partners are overwhelmed, connection feels like another task, turning the couple into co-workers instead of teammates. This leads to disconnection and loss of emotional safety. Protect your marriage by rebuilding with small, consistent steps like five-minute check-ins or shared laughs, rather than aiming for perfect date nights.
You Take Up Ultramarathons or Time-Consuming Hobbies
Hobbies are healthy, but when one partner becomes overly absorbed in activities like ultramarathons, it can demote the relationship. Metz warns that if hobbies infringe on couple time or important events, it's a red flag. Bose agrees that excessive absorption can distract from direct connection. To address this, Metz suggests seeking compromise, such as reducing time commitments or ensuring fair distribution of parenting and home care duties.
You Never Ask for Help
Slipping into the habit of never asking for help can stop a partnership from functioning as a team. Weinstein explains that fear of nagging or disappointment leads to silent mental loads, resentment, and burnout. In co-parenting, this can create a "default parent" dynamic. Bose adds that self-sufficiency can breed martyr-like behavior and conflict. The remedy, according to Weinstein, is to name needs without apology and practice full communication, sharing complete thoughts and wants to foster teamwork.
