For many, the traditional path of marriage, shared home, and joint finances defines a successful relationship. But for Natasha Ginnivan, a researcher in psychology and ageing, true contentment in her 50s has come from a decidedly less conventional arrangement: a long-term 'situationship' where she and her partner maintain entirely separate households and finances.
The Birth of a Midlife 'Situationship'
Natasha Ginnivan met her partner in 2020 via a dating app, as two people in their 50s emerging from lockdown boredom and loneliness. Their first date at a dimly-lit Japanese restaurant in Sydney's Surry Hills revealed mutual connections and a shared hometown, fostering an immediate, easy familiarity. Despite the connection, they were in no rush. It took five outings, including hunting for 70s-inspired crockery, before romance blossomed.
She defines their bond as a 'situationship'—a term recognised by the Oxford Dictionary to describe a romantic relationship where the couple are not official partners. However, Ginnivan stresses this is not about non-commitment, but about redefining what commitment looks like. "Despite being 'committed partners' we run separate households and keep our finances separate," she writes.
Living Apart, Together: The Practicalities of a New Model
Ginnivan has her home in the mountains; her partner lives in the city. They vacation together but also take solo trips interstate or overseas without concern. They celebrate Christmas separately but reunite for New Year's Eve, birthdays, and beach holidays. A plastic tub holding her clothes at his place symbolises the deliberate boundaries of their partnership.
She likens their union to a vintage motorbike with a sidecar, rather than a couple's convertible or a family Winnebago. This stage-of-life perspective is crucial. Having been married twice—first at 24 and again at 28—Ginnivan was single by 40 with two children, nudging the 'grey divorce' bracket. This experience, she suggests, along with factors like attachment theory and the support of large families, shapes their chosen dynamic.
The 'Grey Divorce' Shift and Redefining Partnership
Ginnivan touches on the broader trend of 'grey divorce', noting it represents a shift where older women, particularly post-menopause, reconsider what works for them. She cites relationship expert Esther Perel's observation that most people will have two or three significant relationships in a lifetime, sometimes with the same person.
For Ginnivan, this less traditional partnership is her longest since her marriages. While she is philosophically open to the future—perhaps one day trading the motorbike for that convertible—she is currently at peace with the arrangement. "Maybe there is something to be said for living apart but together as a couple," she concludes, offering a compelling glimpse into the evolving landscape of love and commitment for a generation rewriting the rules.
