Valerie Barone, a transgender woman, experienced a moment of profound joy in 2023 when she noticed cellulite on her thighs. Instead of the shame society often attaches to cellulite, she felt overwhelming happiness and pride. This marked a turning point in her journey, as she finally felt at home in her body after coming out as transgender in February 2021 and starting Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) in June 2021.
A Cathartic Moment in Front of the Mirror
Barone described the moment as sheer catharsis. Despite knowing the messages sold to women and girls that cellulite is unattractive and undesirable, she felt none of the shame women are taught to feel. Instead, she felt overjoyed and proud to be experiencing something that so many women experience. She called it gender euphoria.
Complicated Relationship with Body Image
Barone's relationship with her body has always been complicated. As a child, she struggled with comfort eating and ended up overweight. Growing up, the mirror was her great enemy, a tool for self-punishment over imagined inadequacies. She shares this experience with many women, but first spent years of her life as a man. She always felt a sense of dissonance between how the world perceived her and how she perceived herself.
Gender Dysphoria and Transition
During puberty, each change—every new hair, every inch her shoulders grew—widened the gulf between the burgeoning woman she felt herself to be and the reality of her reflection. Gender dysphoria manifested as a nebulous feeling of absence. She lacked exposure to the trans experience and didn't have language to describe the painful feeling of something missing. When strangers called her 'Sir', she often wondered who they could be talking to. She spent years as a passive observer in her own life, dealing with persistent depression.
Finding Relief Through HRT
After coming out in February 2021 at age 30, Barone started HRT in June 2021 to raise her progesterone and oestrogen levels and reduce testosterone. Over the next few years, HRT slowly changed her body: redistribution of body fat, softening of features, thickening of hair. These changes came too slowly to notice from day to day, and she still contended with her reflection negatively. Then, years into treatment, she noticed the cellulite and cried with joy. She said, 'To me, the appearance of cellulite was evidence that I was moving closer to a body I felt at home in.'
Gender Euphoria and New Perspectives
Barone recognized the beauty in her experience as a trans person. She gained the chance to know herself intimately and to become who she always was. She described gender euphoria as a storm of butterflies in her stomach, a smile that nearly broke her jaw. She hopes that by sharing her story, others can learn to see cellulite not as a burden but a bounty, and a reminder of the beautiful reflection of womanhood staring back at them. She noted that cis women often say trans sisters give them new perspectives on womanhood, helping them appreciate the joys of their gender and divorce themselves from insecurities.
