Tim Dowling, a columnist for The Guardian, recounts a recent incident during his band's tour in Settle, where his choice of the word 'valise' caused confusion and laughter among bandmates and crew. Despite living in the UK for 35 years, a single word slip made him feel like a foreigner.
Tour Troubles and a Missing Bag
The band was nearing the end of its tour with two nights at Victoria Hall in Settle, headlining a weekend festival. The weather improved as they arrived, but touring had taken a toll on their equipment. In the green room, musicians were changing strings and swapping faulty cables. Wives began arriving by train, including Dowling's wife, who was coming the next day.
Dowling realized that the late-night convoy to their accommodation, a Travelodge 30 miles away, would have one more passenger than seats. He raised the issue with the drummer, who counted band members and wives on his fingers but forgot Dowling. The drummer assured him they would work it out, but by the end of the night, Dowling was the unseated passenger.
A Lift from a Fellow Musician
In a panic, Dowling approached the festival organizer, who was talking to singer-songwriter Amber Lilly. When he explained his predicament, Amber Lilly offered him a lift, pointing to her partner, who held car keys with a surprised expression. Dowling accepted gratefully and ran to collect his overnight bag, but it was missing.
He searched the dressing room and stage wings, but the bag was nowhere to be found. He even considered the possibility that he had left it in Manchester. The drummer asked what the bag looked like, and Dowling replied, 'It’s, you know. A valise.' Everyone turned to look at him, and the drummer repeated the word incredulously. The stage crew snickered.
The 'Valise' Confusion
Dowling explained that a valise is a soft bag with a peaked top and handles on either side, a Christmas gift from his wife. He had never had to describe it before. 'Valise,' he said, his face reddening. 'Look it up.' Despite 35 years in the UK, a single slip made him feel like a foreigner. Amber Lilly asked how big his valise was, and everyone laughed. Dowling replied, 'It’s valise-sized.'
While he searched behind stage curtains, the guitarist walked in with his bag, which he had left in a car. People shouted his name, and someone yelled, 'We found your valise!' The room erupted in laughter. Dowling took his bag and showed it to Amber Lilly’s partner, asking what he called it in his language. The partner replied, 'A holdall. Because it literally holds all.' Dowling looked down at his bag and said, 'It literally doesn’t,' but then thought better of it, remembering he was getting a lift.
Reflections on Language
Dowling later reflected on the episode, wishing his wife had been there to understand the setback. When he told her the next day, she laughed but understood. He admitted he had been using 'holdall' as a synonym for 'duffel bag' for years. His wife pointed out that his bag was more structured, with a peak, like a Gladstone bag or a grip. Dowling was thankful he didn’t say 'portmanteau,' as they would still be laughing.
The conversation took place 12 hours after the event, while Dowling was still in the backseat of Amber Lilly’s car, following the band’s van twice around a roundabout outside Skipton before finding the Travelodge. As he got out, Amber Lilly called out, 'Don’t forget your valise.'
