Harry and Meghan are preparing to swap California for Britain six years after leaving royal life behind in pursuit of financial independence and a glittering media career. Their American entertainment empire has not conquered Hollywood as planned, according to Steve Charnock, Audience Writer for the original article. Their Spotify deal has been cancelled and several Netflix projects have failed to become global sensations.
British Broadcasters Offer Opportunities
Britain never knowingly leaves a celebrity unemployed, the article notes. If the Duke and Duchess of Sussex need to replenish their semi-royal coffers, broadcasters can offer countless opportunities, dignified and otherwise. From opening briefcases and complaining about pubic hairs in hotel beds to getting naked in front of Anna Richardson, commissioning editors are expected to form an orderly queue.
Potential TV Shows for the Couple
The article outlines several TV shows that could feature Harry and Meghan. In Four in a Bed, the duo would inspect a number of royal residences, complain about the security arrangements for all of them and refuse to pay the full amount for any. In The Repair Shop, Harry would bring in his relationship with William and Kate, a once-treasured family bond that is now smashed to pieces, with Will and Dominic painstakingly gluing it back together.
In Dragons' Den, Meghan would ask for £500,000 in exchange for 2% of her company that sells overpriced jam, scented candles and leftover copies of her husband's books. Peter Jones would be out immediately. In Celebrity Naked Attraction, Harry's tell-all campaign reaches its logical conclusion and becomes show-all as he finally puts the crown jewels on public display.
More TV Concepts and Game Shows
In Grand Designs, the couple would spend their Netflix and Spotify money converting a modest Surrey farmhouse into something that looks suspiciously like Buckingham Palace. Kevin McCloud would pop back two years later to find they are living in a static home, no longer speaking to the architect and Harry has just lost a court case and now owes the glazier thirty grand.
Other shows include Pointless Celebrities, Location, Location, Location where Phil and Kirstie are tasked with finding the couple a secluded family home near London with seven bedrooms, bulletproof windows and absolutely no adjoining cottages occupied by relatives, and Would I Lie to You? where Harry says 'I once broke a dog bowl with my back during a fight with the future king' and Steph McGovern says it is a lie while Lee Mack and Anita Rani agree, but they are all wrong.
In Who Do You Think You Are?, the spoiler alert reveals that quite a few of Harry's relatives have been kings or queens of England. In Deal or No Deal, as a briefcase model on the second series of the American version, this is a fairly obvious full-circle moment for Meghan, only this time she opens the final box and wins just £50, coincidentally the same amount that Spotify offered her for another run of her podcast.
In Celebrity Mastermind, the specialist subject is everything anyone has ever done to upset them, with a record score expected. In Long Lost Family, the research shows that the family is not actually lost, they just do not really like them very much. In Sort Your Life Out, Stacey Solomon helps Harry and Meghan unpack 300 boxes of emotional baggage.
Shows They Are Not Suited For
The article also lists TV programmes Harry and Meghan are not really suited for. 24 Hours in Police Custody is best saved for another member of the family. A Place in the Sun references what happened the last time they moved to sunnier climes. Family Fortunes would require them to convince three other relatives to join the Sussex team. Escape to the Country is more their type, as they are more 'Escape the Country' types.
