There is a particular, deafening quality to the tick of a clock at 6am on a Saturday when you're hungover, lying next to a naked punk, and realise you're on a llama farm in the German countryside. For one 20-year-old on a summer adventure in 2014, this was the surreal soundtrack to a profound lesson about the bonds of friendship.
The European Road Trip and a Cologne Encounter
The story begins with a European road trip in the summer of 2014. The young man was travelling in a van with an older friend, then around 40, and his boyfriend, a ritual summer exploration for the couple. Their journey wove through cities including Krakow, Gdansk, and Vienna before a brief, forgotten stop in Berlin led them to Cologne.
In a cavernous gay club in Cologne, the narrator's eye was caught by a distinctive figure: a pale punk with a bright green mohawk, dancing energetically in a Donnie Darko T-shirt. Despite not feeling a strong attraction, a remembered quote from Nicole Richie about liking men who look "really skinny and pale and look like they’re dying" spurred an emulation. After hours of dancing and sharing a dubious energy drink, the pair found themselves in a taxi, heading away from the city lights.
A Rural Surprise Amongst the Llamas
Expecting a chic urban loft, the narrator was shocked when the taxi journey ended roughly 30 miles outside Cologne. The destination was a ramshackle chalet, surrounded by the ghostly shapes of llamas behind a collapsing fence and the soft sounds of sleeping chickens. The interior was illuminated by a harsh light, revealing a disintegrating mesh-covered sofa where an awkward and memorable liaison, involving budget cooking spray, took place.
The morning after brought a harsh reality. Hungover and bleary-eyed, with only a single bar of signal on an iPhone 4, a desperate call was made to the friends from the road trip.
The Rescue and the Realisation
The response was immediate and without judgement. The friends arrived in their van, sliding open the door to witness the scene: their companion half-dressed, pulling a heavy oak door shut, with a field of braying llamas as a backdrop. The situation dissolved into shared, hysterical laughter.
This moment crystallised a vital life lesson. The most important thing wasn't the bizarre night itself, but having friends who would not only refrain from judgement but would actively drive out to a remote farm to perform a rescue mission, soundtracked by Heidi Montag's 'Superficial' at full volume. It was a testament to loyalty and the absurd, bonding adventures of youth.
